“Keep your heart warm, no matter how cold they’ve been to you.” — Kaya Dixit
I think life might be a little more satisfying if I could genuinely say that I hated someone, but I realise that I haven’t felt hatred/anger towards anyone for a very, very long time. The last time I probably did feel so intense about something was at this one girl in high school who mocked and teased me for not knowing the lyrics to The Little Einstein’s theme song (the “we’re going in a trip, in our favourite rocket ship song”).
I was 13 at the time and for some reason that was the most humiliated I’ve ever been, and I held a grudge on her for the rest of the year and would always grumble to anyone who’d listen about how she’s such a stuck-up wannabe, and would secretly feel pleased whenever she’s having a bad day.
Life has thrown me a lot more hardships than the anguish of not knowing the lyrics to a song, and I have a lot more things I could be hateful and angry about. I did try to harbour bitter vitriol towards people who have done me wrong, purely because I felt like it’ll make me feel better if I get it out of my system and acknowledge how badly I’ve been treated by them in the past.
I heard about a shooting today in a suburb where my ex lives, and honestly my first thought was one of panic as I wonder if he’s okay. I wasn’t going to text him to check up on him or anything, but I felt a sense of fear deep in the pit of my stomach and prayed that he wasn’t one of the casualties and is safe today.
I should probably hate him because he once coerced me to go to the gym because I was “too skinny” and that he’s “concerned for my health”, and made me spiral into body image issues for months as a result. I should probably not give a shit about his wellbeing because he lied to me about a lot of things in the past.
I had another guy screw over and derailed me from my life for months because of the confusion and ambiguity between us, and I should probably more mad about it than how I actually feel. My friends are twice as angry on behalf of me, yet I just couldn’t feel that emotion in the same intensity as them even though I was the one who went through it.
I hate to admit this but I felt worried and wanted to check up on his wellbeing when I heard that he’s been swamped at work for weeks on end, anxious if he’s coping well with the workload.
After everything and angsty music about how all men are pieces of shit, I want to say that I could emulate the same man-hating, bad bitch energy from these badass songs, but deep down I still wish them nothing but the best in their future endeavours.
Instead of getting hateful and wanting to seek revenge on them, I just get sad and anxious over them sometimes whenever situations like the shooting arises and I think of them from afar.
Upon a deep dive into my mind, I think this is one thing that contributes to my debilitating inability to truly hate anyone:
I simply see them as a child who doesn’t know any better.
My mindset was forever altered from this podcast I listened to by Mel Robbins (can’t remember the specific podcast episode now grahhh), but I always choose to believe that no one intentionally sets out to hurt anyone else, it’s never on purpose and that they’re just clueless at navigating the nuances of life sometimes, and that their execution could be poor but they truly mean you well.
I mean, could you really blame it on a small child for not knowing any better and calling you rude names because they didn’t know it’s not an appropriate thing to say? You would probably just metaphorically shake your head in dismay in silence as you wonder about who brought them up and maybe grow slightly concerned about their growing environment, but you wouldn’t chalk it up to the kid itself 100% right? Why?
Because no one taught them any better, and they’re just navigating life with what they know. Once I stop taking things personally, I found out that just like how you’re going to look absolutely ridiculous and an asshole for fighting with a literal child, there’s really no reason to hate anyone who doesn’t know any better. There’s really not much point, just send them your blessings and stay as far away from them as possible.
Never take what they say/do to you personally, and whatever you do, never stray from focusing on yourself and how YOU could improve. Do not let the things that have hurt you turn you into a person that you’re not (because nothing would bring them more satisfaction than to see you reduced to the equivalent of them).
