Forward Onward & Upward

I can’t even begin to express what I have been going through. I have been blind-sided. I have to rise above or I will crash. I am stuck here frozen, frozen from going to the doctors, a party, a nightclub, the mall, and frozen from getting an education, or a job. It’s all about grocery stores for me, and the occasional small shopping spree with my daughter, or an errand for my son. Outside of that I have to build my life and start anew, pushing out to pave my way. I refuse to shrink in. I refuse to be small. I refuse to be inconvenienced by depression. I am too beautiful to stay on a shelf collecting dust. I prefer flying to drowning. I prefer butterflies to lizards. I prefer psalm 20 to wild horses. I choose love over hate. And I choose life over death.

I certainly have paid the E-tolls.

I do feel that I am thawing out. With thawing out comes the feelings, feelings of resentment, disgust, and betrayal. True colors aren’t always beautiful, but they are welcomed as you come out of the fog and begin to see clear. I’m not sure what fork in the road I will take, but it will be better than the stagnant one I’ve been on. I am circumstantially depressed. I laugh because getting a divorce doesn’t seem to be the weight of my problems, although it doesn’t help. I am more frustrated in the stagnicity of my life. I’m not even sure if stagnicity is a dictionary word? I just need forward, onward, and upward. Off I go…