On hearing my voice

I recently had the pleasure of being interview by the remarkable Emma Barnett (The Telegraph’s Women’s Editor, amongst other things) for BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour on the topic of long-distance relationships.

My boyfriend, Nick and I have been ‘making it work’ between London and Lyon for 6 months now. Whilst I definitely do not consider myself an expert I was happy to discuss my experience.

I have always adored the radio. I love music (of course) and I love being part of the conversation. Yet, I had never imagined myself contributing to the conversation.

I recorded the segment, with two other women, whilst in London for the Christmas holidays. Back in Lyon (where I teach English at the University Jean Moulin) for the start of the semester I was walking home from work when I began to receive messages from the wonderful women in my life saying they had heard me on Woman’s Hour.

I was mortified.

Whilst I had spent a long time thinking about what it was I wanted to say about the subject (the focus was on the role of technology in long-distance relationships) the thought of my friends and the other thousands of listeners hearing my voice instantly terrified me.

I found the BBC site on my phone; desperately hoping the patchy 3G coverage in Lyon would allow me to listen before anyone else might be subject to my ramblings.

And I took a deep breath. And I began to smile.

There I was. It was my relationship and I wasn’t embarrassed or scared or afraid. I was proud.

I want to shrug off this shroud of self-doubt that only serves to silence. It limits and it binds. I am sure that this is something which effects women more deeply that men. We are conditioned to listen and to care, not to speak.

I have not expressed myself perfectly; but I must begin to try.

No more apologies.

You can listen to my 15 minutes here.