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Hey Dad, I’m not the woman you said I’d be

Confessions of a Daughter


Hey Dad,

I’m falling apart.

I need you to know

that I’m not the woman you said I’d be.

I’m not the President

I am not a doctor

I am not a lawyer

I am not anything I was meant to be.

.

Instead I am lost.

I am 23, a mother, a writer

A music addict

A hot tea aficionado.

I am a sucker for romances.

I fall in love too easily

I don’t like to be alone

I like art and taking photos

I hate consuming my life with only one thing.

.

I love pizza and yoga

I like running and I’m kind of good at it.

I like jazz, dance music, and rock

and hiphop and Americana.

I like anything that makes me think,

anything that reminds me of you.

I wish I could play music like you,

actual music people want to hear.

The kind from the heart.

The kind from the soul.

.

I met a man who told me once

“Girl, you’ll learn to live

when you let go of the fear

that’s holding you back.”

.

I fell in love with a man

who promised me love

when he promised love

to everyone else.

.

I left my baby back home to find myself

to get my shit together.

I had to.

I’m not a good mom right now

and I want to be.

.

I wish you were here

and not in prison.

I need you so badly.

All I see is your dreadlocks

All I smell is the marijuana

All I hear is the plucking of your guitar

All I want is your arms around me

telling me I will be okay.

.

Hey Dad, I am unraveling.

I am fighting so hard to win

to not lose.

Fighting so hard to be the woman

you always said I would be.

I miss you, Dad.

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