Defining a crush.
So this was the beginning of the end
Little girls are mostly surrounded by magic, charming princes and fairy godmothers, superheroes, brave knights, all kind of highly lovable figures and the idea of the romantic crush starts to develop. Following what female characters do, some feel the need of having this male figure to love, to dream about and to get obsessed with and it becomes something important, kind of like having a new pet or a last name. To be a girl, you need it, you really need to have a crush. Why? I can’t recall what was my argument back then, but actual me thinks it’s likely because it’s something to talk about with friends and to spice things up a little bit (yes, some girls “spice up things” since little, like baby Cam and most of her friends back then). So here we are: A crush. No actual sense.
Cam’s Brain comment: Also may I add that I was actually scared of boys? I saw them as completely different beings and had no idea of how to properly interact with them but yes I was illogical enough to like a boy I would not like to touch or talk, like ever.
Getting older things start to develop. In my specific case it was way late as the awesome late bloomer I am. I got a hard time acknowledging boys were not aliens and I could actually have male friends, so as I grew up I started “liking” them less and really liking them, as persons, no fake romantic thoughts involved here and I think the process is quite similar for most girls, that part of our lives where stop being so obsessed with everyone and start being a little more selective. What happened a while later, is that they started to like me and as any normal person would, I panicked. I became cold, rude and weird and mostly avoided anyone with blurry interests.
Here comes part two of the problem, I’m gonna call it… Drama addiction. This is what happens now: You’re free from all the nonsense thoughts! You finally became aware enough of what it actually is to LIKE a person! Great job! Now what’s the purpose? Top answer: A relationship, though I’ll call it pre-relationship for practical reasons you’ll understand later. I was never in one but I saw enough of them to talk about it and they looked like a blast. Kissing, holding hands, calling someone else “love” or “baby” or any exotic nickname they just unlocked from the nicknames database… You also think you get special rights over someone and believe it so badly it leads to drama, funny fights and awkward conversations: “Why are you talking with her?” “You promised you were not going to watch another episode without me!” “You don’t love me, liar” And it could become an addiction as I saw with most of my friends and in some way it does make life more interesting but it’s as pointless as what we saw in part one: What’s all that drama for? Why are you even together? To receive all the benefits of having someone that would supposedly be there for you anytime?
Cam’s Brain comment: Since I am as I said a late bloomer, I often feel a little bit of this though I think too that there are many who never really get over this phase, causing grown-up drama and giving a little bit of sense to most romantic comedies.
Now we enter part three: The reality check, the best friends checkpoint, the late night revelation. There’s an actual reason for all the trouble and it’s worth it. The ideas of soul mates, life companions and best friends emerge from deep down and become more tangible, sometimes in the shape of an specific person and others as a list of characteristics we find ideal for the person that’s going to join us in this crazy journey.
Cam’s Brain, again: I’m not saying everyone needs a romantic partner to have a good life, soul mates come in every shape and color, but that’s the purpose I found for a crush.
After you select a life companion it can become either your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on how much you would like to fuck up and experiment, no specific order, framed in this thing called relationship.
I’m not an expert about relationships but I’m learning day by day and I find them like the upgrade of the idea of a crush where you learn to like every dimension they have, the good, fun and bad things. It’s like seeing them with a lens that merges all the images and shows a blurry impression of what they could be in the future, but it’s still bigger than what everyone else sees.
To finish this pointless story, yes, I found a crush and I’m using it the right way. I made him my best friend, lover, hater, business partner, personal coach, babysitter, french fries chef and eating out pal, and it’s been a blast.