#30DaysWritingChallenge: Day 3

Chiemezie Anyaeji
Nov 2 · 4 min read

The Demons Are Awake

It’s 2am.





The heavens are spitting on me but the drops aren’t getting to me. Of course, I’m inside the house. Stupid me! So, it’s hitting the roof and it won’t stop.





I can hear some “fire fire” gyration of a man, a pastor, in the neighborhood. He’s not alone. He’s shouting “fire fire” with some humans. They are casting away the devil. I know from their words, it’s that loud. That’s not why I’m awake.





I am awake because I owe some debts to the gods. Every night, lately, they tap me on my shoulder and have me sit up and pounder on how to pay back.





They don’t care how much I make from my business and from my 9-5 job. They don’t care. All they want is when I’m paying up and regain my freedom to sleep.





And just about that, I’ve become unnecessarily agitated and angry about anything and anyone. And it’s gradually pushing me to shut down everyone and everything.





A friend said that I’m being selfish should I decide to blank out completely. What he doesn’t know is that I’ve been unselfish for a long time and it’s cost me everything. I tell him that I’m not sorry if he thinks otherwise but my intention is simply to regain my sanity before I drive humans around me nuts.





‘Be strong’, they say.





What if being strong is the only thing you’ve been doing for over five years and counting? What if all that’s left of you is just on reserve and you will need a refill? What if your strength is gradually slipping away from you and the people or person you find strength with, is completely clueless on what’s happening around?





Have you ever been to a place and you are the only source of strength and energy they’ve got and somehow, you are gradually becoming increasingly overwhelmed by the way you treat yourself?





Lots of questions.





Last week, I sealed a deal that I will not eventually be able to do because my metal state disapproves my readiness for the event.





I canceled on them, today.





Two days ago, a friend called me to photograph her wedding and because I’m not rightly positioned, mentally, I canceled on her too.





Peace!

There’s nothing so comforting in life that you are at peace with your soul. Nothing can compare such freedom and joy of a lifetime.





The pressure to ascent to thoughts that are completely off your perception to life. You listen to everything and nobody is making sense. It could be your fault. It’s your fault.





A friend once said; “you don’t always have to win all the time. Giving up is a strength”.

That’s OK.

To give up is a great strategy to gain clarity of the fight. And in the game of chess, to retreat the Queen isn’t defeat. It’s defense against the enemy. To protect that which is critical to you.

Trust.

People say they trust you but they don’t really do. They just have expectations. Should you fail to live it up to that expectations, they say you can’t be trusted. I’ve learned that to trust, you have to be patient. When a child’s action doesn’t sit well with you, you don’t say you can’t trust the child anymore. A child is a child, given time, his consistency to be better will make things right.





You see, the idea of a failed trust is because we’ve built expectations. We’ve got a master plan for them to live through and if they fail, they can’t be trusted. Whom you don’t trust, another will. This is not about integrity, it’s simply about giving people a chance to prove that you are wrong about them all along.

Expectations.

I’m not sorry to say that I’ve completely forgotten how to expect anything from anyone.



Expectations breeds disappointment.



It’s more like a therapeutic way of staying healthy, mentally. Humans are weak. Fate is not within the reach of anyone. Anything can happen. Therefore, I relate with you based on how much you understand me and how much I understand you. We thrive, knowing we are human and not perfect.



When others expect you to respond in a certain way, the question is; can they accept you as the same when you fail them?



Let them be.

Silence.

You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.

Very sad.





…and the church in my neighborhood, they are still praying.



Good morning.



🌹

    Chiemezie Anyaeji

    Written by

    Entrepreneur. Writer. Photographer.

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