I CAN STILL HEAR THE VOICES.

By Chijioke Chris Chuwa

Editor’s note :read part 1 here excerpt from the voices in my head

What does hell look like? I’ve always imagined mine constituting of a steady replay of Taylor Swift songs with interludes of Shakespearean quotes, and trust me that’s torture on a whole different plane but then again I don’t plan on finding out how hell looks like for whatsoever reason, some days I see snippets of what it could be, days that nothing goes right and even if something does its setting you up for a larger let down.

Plans for my life? At this point in my life, I’m winging it from day to day, praying for some clarity and inspiration to light the path in front of me. It’s not as easy as I had originally thought, what was shown on TV shows isn’t what happens in real life, it’s not a straight path. Sadly, I’m painfully unprepared for what comes next and somehow that’s exactly what everyone wants to know, what’s your plan? What are you going to do now? My answer? A cursory nod and as I smile and try my best to change the subject because you see most times these people don’t care (some extended family members included), they just sit back waiting to pick holes in your plans, talk over you and impose their plans on you. Yes, I know I should get a plan and figure things out I’ll give you the answer I give everyone, I’m working on it.

The Italian voice in my head always has jealous thoughts, though hushed the voice still exists, jealous at everything not focusing on any one thing. I feel we all have this voice I mean its human nature to feel envy even if it’s a tinge but what matters is if you dwell on it and let it control you it becomes a problem, so that’s what happens the voice comes and goes but I’ve found out there’s a greater feeling which is joy, have you ever felt happiness for someone so much that it became your happiness? I’m rambling at this moment I guess.

These days I’ve become more aware of my mortality more than I’ve ever been, with everything going on these days the thought that it could be you anytime anywhere is unsettling. Life expectancy is a myth. When it’s your time your clock will stop. I hope mine has two AA batteries and run for a long time. There’s still a lot I haven’t done and need to do.

Someone may ask don’t you have Nigerian voices that ring in your head? well yes I do. The Nigerian voices are those that keep me grounded you see, anytime the other voices are unrealistic or getting out of hand they slide in using the years of home training and experience in their forte to quell the unruly voices. Bringing me peace and sanity in my times of need.

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