The Horrifying Struggle of Being Under A Sociopath’s Influence

His charm is palpable. You feel it with the entirety of your senses. A magnet you are futile towards. It penetrates through your shield of logic, one that you uphold to understand the world. The shield withdraws. No sense of reason explains why you feel the way that you do. You’re engrossed by the grip he has on you in a way that’s beyond mesmerizing — it’s hypnotic. His intelligent, his charisma, his strength of character. You have no control over why this is the way it is. Your freedom doesn’t yet feel like it is in captivity. You think you own every sense of choice in the matter. You don’t. The choice that you feel is an illusion created by the weight of his carefully cultivated seduction. You choose, but it is under the influence of the monster in which you have chosen.

You become a victim without even knowing what has happened. His claws twist vehemently, growing deeper and deeper within you. No blood comes out. You feel the pain that you cannot see. Because of this, you don’t blame your injury on anyone but yourself.

The beginning is light. It always is. The spotlight flickers on, providing a warmth on you that you are not used to because you were once cold. In an instant, you are comforted, you are seen, and you are special. The pace in which this all happens convinces you that fate is present in dealing you with a lucky hand.

But it’s not lucky. Fate was cruel. The truth is, you aren’t being seen. You weren’t cold to begin with. You never were. He dragged you from your home, robbed you of your clothes and convinced you that you needed his help. His light. His warmth. His comfort. Without it, you would be naked. You too, convinced yourself of this because you consumed the elixir that poisoned your mind to think that he is right. You don’t understand that this light being shone of you will eventually blind you altogether. Your understanding perishes completely overtime. The so-called warmth grows into asphyxiation. It traps you until you suffocate and the poison you are fed, you are convinced is the medicine. He digs his claws in another few inches. This time, it is a pain that is visible. It starts to feel unusual. But it is the first time you recognize this, so you continue to think the suffering is only temporary. You conclude it is not worth it to give up on him altogether.

There are moments you come to pity him. He wails and exposes weakness. You trust in the goodness of human nature to succumb to these tender moments with empathy. What you do not know is that he has manufactured every single one of these moments. He wants you to believe that you and him are the same — a lie that is as far away from the truth as is your grasp on reality at this point. The truth is that you and him are wired fundamentally different. He is devoid of a conscience. He lacks a heart that can love or one that feels the pain of others. He tortures you in the name of sport.

You let the pattern draw on. The magnetism develops a push this time. For every tug you feel towards him, you feel a simultaneous shove away. It’s an agony that you let continue because you are helpless at this stage. The abuse has no name because it is covert. Your judgement is far from impaired and your strength extinct. You are his puppet and you think what he wants you to. You accept all idiosyncrasies as acceptable. The out-of-order as routine.

His process of converting you into prey is complete. The internal compass you had now overthrown, you are directionless. You follow whatever route he has set out for you. It’s not your fault. You had no reason to think anyone was capable of carrying out this level of deceit. The manipulation so subtle, near undetectable by those who possess emotionally attachment to others. You never asked to be strangled by a blindfold.

He leaves you to rot and to question your very existence and purpose. He is a monster and you his victim. The noose around you tightens as you rack your mind for a reason not to jump.

The only salvation is to come to terms with the truth of his character. He suffers from a disease and there is no cure. You relinquish your position as a pawn in a sociopath’s game and acclimate back into functioning society. Free but not unharmed.