
Part 2: Good at being bad?
I got baptized in my second year of high school. I had battled with this decision for a long time, until one of my teachers and an elder in the church explained it to me; I thought baptism was waiting for the holy spirit to come give you a nudge and say “it’s time to get baptized” and after you’re baptized your life automatically changes. Everything you do will be upright and what not. Turns out I was wrong, it’s not an easy road. He put it this way; Baptism isn’t about waiting for a ‘spiritual nudge’, it is opening yourself up to the Lord being part of your life. If you’re true to the calling the Holy Spirit shall take up its place in your life.
The spiritual environment I had in high school was uplifting. It wanted me to aspire for more in every aspect of life. I hoped I’d find that even when school was done. I did not. Instead, I returned to my home church and it was draining to say the least. I’m not sure if its because the crowd is older so there’s a little less life in everything they do compared to high school. This led me on a church hunt-to find a place that made me feel as though I was back at school. But I missed one key thing: I needed friends to create this environment. Friends I didn’t have. All my friends from high school either congregated at churches across town or lived in another town.
I decided to bridge the gap by obtaining a driving license. It has only become evident to me now, that the more independent I became, the more I lost sight of my faith. The driving license was the ticket to everything. I could have the car the whole day with no questions asked. All I had to do was let my parents know which church I was visiting with which friend. In the beginning, it was true, but with time they just became names and places.
In August 2014, I came to China for higher education. Again, because its hard for me to make friends, all I yearned for was home and what’s the closest thing to home one could hope for? Church. I found a church and slowly started regaining traction on my spiritual journey. I started singing again, an exhausting but uplifting experience. Eventually, the exhaustion won over the uplifting. I decided church was a little too far on some days and staying in was the best idea. In addition, I began experiencing things. The things I knew in theory to be bad.
I had always wanted to know what it felt like to smoke. Watching people in the movies hold those sticks between their fingers, draw in breaths and let go slowly always looked cool to me. I tried it and I just don’t understand why you would want that in you. Alcohol too. This I took to with a stride. For the first two years I was in university, when we visited clubs and parties I said no to alcohol. I only drank juice. One would think that university would be the ideal place to take up such an activity, for me it wasn’t. I began drinking from home, one summer holiday in my third year. When I returned to school after that summer, that was it. I had found my new high.
I should mention that at this point, I had made a few friends (majority female), mainly consisting of country mates. There were a few classmates here and there. They knew me as the sober companion prior to the summer holiday and when they saw what I was doing with alcohol, they were shocked. Shocked, but very welcoming. I invested heavily in a mini bar and became the go-to for drinks and chills. I read up on recipes for cocktails and made them for others to try, which they loved. It was a happy period, although not a genuine one.
One thing that has been taught to us as Adventists is to tithe. “Give to Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar.” We are to give to the Lord ten percent of our earnings. I should mention that I don’t come from a particularly rich family. We do okay. I had a monthly stipend from my father and little money made from small business ventures I engaged in from time to time. Every time I got this money, I looked at it and thought, “10% would basically render me broke!” I decided to find a way around giving back tithe.
I figured earning would mean I worked for the money and at this point, I wasn’t working for the money, it was just being given to me. The money I earned from business ventures came from money that was given to me, so I still wasn’t earning. But that’s not what the bible meant. Any legitimate source of income, be it a hand out or had work must be tithed. It took me a while to accept that. In fact, I only began accepting it sometime early this year after a story my mother shared with me.
She told me of an elder in the church, who gave tithe based on faith. So this man worked at a company and his results impressed his boss so much that the boss ordered a salary increase for the elder. He directed the accountant to increase the elders salary to x amount starting the coming month and informed the elder of the good news. The elder shared this with his wife and starting the following month, they began tithing based on x amount. Here’s the thing though; he wasn’t earning x amount. The elders wife came up to him and told him something wasn’t right, because they were running short on cash quicker than they were supposed to. This went on for four months.
In one of his chats with his boss, the boss remarked on how the elder must be enjoying his new salary increase. It was at this point that the elder pointed out that his salary still had not changed at all. The boss, very shocked at this went to see the accountant who declared-to the owner of the company-that wasn’t the way things were done there. Increases were not given just because the boss said so. To me, it’s either this accountant actually is the boss or has stable employment elsewhere. In the end, the elder got all his quid back.
Now, you may be thinking I began coming around to the idea of tithing because of the purported benefits as in the the elders case. To be totally honest, that is the last thing on my mind. First thing I thought is “this could be my way to get good with God again”. I don’t think that’s how it works but at least it’s a start, no? Maybe? I don’t know.
All I know is for the past five months I have managed to put away tithe and even though I haven’t actually managed to give the money to the church, I know the money is not mine. Regardless of how broke I get. I’m waiting for when I go to church so I could actually remit my tithe, but in the meantime, I guess I’m doing good at being bad or is it bad at being good?
