One Hour at the Chumash Casino

  1. Middle-aged lady in a denim bucket hat, white bobby socks and white athletic shoes, sitting at a penny machine and holding her head in her hand as if to say, “Oh, gosh.”
  2. Blonde lady who looks about 43 but is probably 36, whose credits on a penny machine have hovered around 5510 for the last ten minutes.
  3. Whoever visited the ATM before me has withdrawn their daily limit.
  4. Thirty-ish Latino man, round in the belly and wearing a worn-out Chicago Bears hoodie, looking anxious and waiting in line to cash out his voucher.
  5. Short 55-ish man at a Buffalo Stampede machine that’s three times as tall as he is. He had 9710 credits but now has 1315.
  6. Elderly man with a moustache, khaki baseball cap, blue track jacket and Obama jeans, holding a cane and waiting for someone outside the men’s room. Whoever he’s looking for is not in the restroom.
  7. Hey! Dude with 1315 credits just won 2400 credits. A crowd has gathered to stare at the giant screen in front of him and see what happens to his $37.15.
  8. Young bro-looking blond man, sitting at a penny slot, wearing a backwards White Sox cap. His sunglasses are also on backwards because he’s watching you, motherfucker.
  9. Everyone here is wearing a sweatshirt. Where do they buy their sweatshirts?
  10. Man who looks like somebody’s dad is walking with his coffee cup and wears a literal half-moon frown.