On Adulting, Loneliness & finding Communities
Its been three years since I graduated from university yet it feels like a lifetime. From residing in a comfortable bubble to being thrown into the deep end with responsibilities at work; combined with actually having to start paying council tax. It’s a sticky one still.
The most significant change I’ve had to adapt to since finishing university is moving to a new city. I’ve done it twice now – Reading and London. The Big Smoke. Home of the “liberal elites.” but also one of the loneliest cities in the world. One in four Londoners feel alone.
At first I was excited to move to London as the majority of my uni friends, home friends and a few former colleague friends lived there. However the sprawling layout of the city means it can take an hour to visit a friend only 6 miles away. It’s exhausting and not practical to make time every week. Plus adulting means free time isn’t as guaranteed as student life.
This combined with anxiety which would make me not want to leave the flat at times, amplified the feeling of being alone. I mean yes I have a solid support network but sometimes that’s not enough if they’re hours away. That’s when I decided to join a sports group.
During my two year stint in Reading, I struggled to make friends locally as most of my network were based elsewhere. But when I started boxing classes at my local gym it really made a difference. There’s something about sport that bonds people together.
So on one evening when I was feeling particularly low I decided to trawl gumtree in search of a women’s football group in London. I wasn’t really looking to join a league team as I hadn’t played competitive football since BUCS league (varsity people know). I initially was going to join a team in Clapham Junction but I didn’t have the energy to rely on the overground or Southern Rail. I even thought of playing tag rugby as a compromise but it wasn’t my passion.
There it was, a 5 a side group that play games every week in nearby White City. Casual with no commitment. There’s something about girls that play football – and particularly for me, black girls that play football. I can’t explain why I get so much joy from it. It’s a sisterhood.
This group of girls went against the narrative of being cliquey or bitchy as I’ve experienced playing in some teams. What at first started off as a way to blow steam after work and perhaps make a friend or two ended up with me being part of a new diverse community with girls ranging from Brazil to Italy. African, Asian and White. Included girls that played during Ramadan and ran home before sunset to break fast.
It makes me happy that I wasn’t the only one playing football with the boys at lunchtime. Or being the only girl invited to 5 a side football parties during primary school. When I play football I feel like I don’t have a care in the world. In that moment I realise I’m not alone for as long as London continues to sprawl.
