How to have genuine and meaningful interactions.

From the mind of an introverted-extrovert.

I enjoy meaningful discussions. Welcome to my first medium post, where I’ll be discussing what I’ve learned in the last few months about meeting new people and how to form a genuine connection…fast. By nature, I’m an extrovert and by definition that means I feel energized when I’m around people. However, something was off, it’s not just people I was happy being around, it was the right kind of people that differentiated the experience. The age old saying “you are the average of the 5 closest to you” is something I live by.

So the dilemma becomes, how do I meet new people but very quickly understand if we’ll mesh? Some would say “I usually feel like we’ll get along” or “We just became friends”. I was curious to understand the how and the why.

Here’s what I’ve learned, almost all of us (99%) value friendships that are genuine. The simple but surprisingly effective advice for interviews is also “be yourself”. This can be very infuriating to hear for those of us trying to understand “What we should do” and how that phrase translates in the real world. Below are 5 things that I’ve found have worked for me in making the most of any interaction be it personal or professional.

1) Practice active listening. This could look like the following in real life; looking at the person as they speak (eye contact), saying “hmm” or “interesting” (acknowledging something has been said), nodding your head (positive body language) etc.

2) Practice active thinking. This means taking the time to understand what the question or statement that was said or asked really means to you. In a world where simplicity is king, having concise, well thought out answers that are communicated in a logical manner are very important. This can even mean structuring your answer in a narrative format that has a concrete beginning, middle and end. Humans love stories.

3) Asking Questions. Part of active listening and active thinking means that the questions that you ask the other person will be a major key (shout out to DJ Khaled) in determining how meaningful the interaction will be. Picking up on what was said by the other person and how it was said therefore is paramount in understanding what should be asked. An example being: “I was sad when she said this to me” The underlined phrases are all clues in understanding what was said, why it mattered, and why it evoked the emotional response it did for the person you’re with.

4) Answering Questions fully and openly. Difficult questions come in a variety of forms both in personal and professional discussions. It’s very important that these questions be answered honestly and truthfully. It means putting yourself “out there” and being vulnerable to saying things that might not be liked by the other person. Often we might not want to answer questions in such a straight forward manner because we fear what the other person might think of us, or worse, they will reject us. The things to remember is, you will be OK regardless, very little will change in the bigger scheme of things regardless of the outcome. Who knows you might just make a new best friend. :)

5) Overcoming the fear of rejection. Many of us feel that we will not be accepted for who we are. Everybody has their own story, their own set of experiences, their own set of judgements. Let’s face it, everybody’s judging everyone else, we are subconsciously programmed to do so. We all tend to make a first impression of someone in the first 10 seconds, in the following 30 seconds you’ve decided to talk to them or not, and finally if the interaction lasts for another 5 minutes then you’ll probably have a great time with the other person. Taking the first step to be vulnerable, be open, and answer questions openly will make you far more likable and trustworthy, both of which are components that define “genuine”. If we are rejected, that’s OK, there could have been a variety of reasons it could have happened, which usually have less to do with you and more of what the other person’s feeling or state of mind was in that moment.

What I’ve written above is easy to read about, it’s another thing to practice and implement in real life. I can promise though, if you make the effort to practice these 5 things, each and every interaction that you’ll have with another person will be so much more rewarding than what it once was. Every new person you interact with starts becoming a game vs. an arduous exercise that you “have to do”.

Looking forward to posting about many more topics in the coming time from self-awareness, to how you can be a happier person.