Relationships are work.
I always saw my life with romantic relationships. I always thought the hard part was “getting the girl”. After you are with someone it should be easy, one should not have to work at the relationship.
Let’s look at it. In order to get the girl all you have to do is be mostly charming and engaged when she is present. Go on a few dates, make her laugh and you are golden.
It’s only after you have started to form the union of two sets does the real work begin. Ideally this should happen slowly, but I always tend to rush this part. That may be due to my eagerness to have a partner or just my impatience. Either way the union starts.
It is at this point that the small things start piling up. Small things that don’t matter, but always seem like they are done out of spite or malice. Like not cleaning the toothpaste out of the sink or leaving a jacket here or there. This is the work I am referring to.
Everyday is a chance to make your partner a little bit happier. For me it was as simple as acknowledging her feelings and respecting her. One thing I was doing mentally but not in practice. One example is keeping things off the floor in the living room. Something that didn’t really bother me, I was indifferent to it, but something that I could do to make her feel respected and acknowledged.
There are bigger issues, like children and religion. Those are real deal breakers, but all the little things can add up to become one of those deal breakers. Enough straws on the camels back.
Nothing in life is void of work. There is usually a very direct relationship of what you put in you get out. It may be too late for me, but I hope this helps someone else before there are too many straws.