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I spend a lot of time being scared

If I am to be absolutely honest about how I truly feel, I would tell you I am scared. I’ve long known about the Impostor Syndrome, yet I still can’t shake myself from it.

I’m scared because of how little I know
I’m scared I’m not really good enough to do what I’m hired to do
I’m scared this is the best I will ever be
I’m scared because I expect to be so much more at 30 (31 next week)
I’m scared I’m not smart enough to ever learn to make real money or be successful
I’m scared I’ve picked the wrong career path, yet I don’t know what the correct one would be
I’m scared if I am spending enough time working
I’m scared if I am working so much that neither my brain nor my body are working correctly
I’m scared I’m spending too much time working on things I don’t love
I’m scared to try spending time on things that I do love incase it fails
I’m scared I can’t seem to forget my past failures
I’m scared I will have nothing to show for when I’m 40
I’m scared how angry I feel sometimes
I’m scared I can’t earn enough to allow my parents to retire comfortably soon
I’m scared I am wasting my limited capabilities on the wrong tasks
I’m scared I am baring too much to others

I know there is a lot of fear on money and my own expectation of myself, I am battling these feelings as best I know how to, some days are glorious victories whilst others less so, I know I’m not the only one yet that’s how it often feels.

Originally published at on December 22, 2014.