specific feelings

1. I Don’t Want You To Know Anything About Me.
2. it’s high school & i’m in love with u and i hate your girlfriend but i don’t want to be the girl who hates the girl just because she’s dating The Boy so i spend an inordinate amount of time dissecting the reasons i hate her to make sure they’re Fair and Reasonable
3. i’m on an airplane & i know ur somewhere in the city below me dotted with lights and we’re landing so slowly i think a part of me is literally being pulled out of my body towards u by ur gravity (finding nemo is playing on the small airplane tvs)
4. Don’t Tell My Mom
5. the specific dread linked to the sickly stale smell of alcohol
6. a drop in my stomach exactly in time to the swooping dip in my bank account balance
7. you tell me the thing your boyfriend said & a part of me turns to a small lead soldier
8. I Missed The Bus By Literally Four Seconds
9. being on the phone with someone you love when both of you want to die
10. getting 100% on a spelling test in grade school
11. getting caught cheating on a spelling test in grade school
12. staying up late because i can’t sleep because my whole body is heavy-green with guilt about cheating on a spelling test in grade school
13. not answering an email because it stresses me out & then leaving it unanswered for so long that it’s weird to answer it because the only possible excuse for taking so long to answer the email is, like, i was in a Literal Coma & just woke up
14. feeling guiltyish about listening to the 50 shades soundtrack in public / vague anger at how good the 50 shades soundtrack is (beyoncé why would you be a part of that??)
15. making myself physically ill by going through someone i used to love’s twitter, & throwing up like: i told you so
16. downloading joni mitchell’s entire discography on a sunday
17. being Safe with someone i love