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Sometimes, we want to be another person. We want to own the property of one person who’s perfect — near perfect, rather. Their eyes, we want to have. Their smooth skin, we want to have. Their lock-free hair, we want to have. Their well-structured bodies, we want to have. Their personalities, friends, lovers, family, their lives we want to steal. It shall cross our minds to ask ‘Shall we become robbers instead?’ or ‘Shall I maintain my morality and have acceptance?’. If we think this way, we claim to admit the absence of self-love. But, is it the reason why? Because maybe, there are more complex reasons with this way of thinking. That there is just the absence of love someone feels to contribute to this way of thinking.
Always, if a person feels not loved will he or she will eventually not love himself or herself. People always say ‘You should love yourself first before another person will love you.’ I question this statement and motto or belief because as I said, it’s so much deeper and translucent. A person’s experiences in the past, consistent rejections, failures, negativities, despair, isolation, separation, lack of everything in all aspects makes one person negate the existence of self-love. Why would he or she love himself or herself if the instances in his or her life does not view ‘love’? It’s like when watching a movie (the experiences) everyday, and afterwards, in viewing this movie, you have these wild, uncontrollable, vivid, imprisonable, sad, sad, intoxicating, dark, and helpless emotions. A sad, panoramic, IMAX, 3D movie you see, circling around you. What? What shall you do? What shall this person still do? Get up and force yourself to love yourself when indeed there’s nothing to love? What? See all the good in you, the small positive things to love in you when you just could not see it. You’re blinded. It’s hard to see. You’re flooded with these sad, sad emotions. What? Then what shall you do?
Never, did a person feel love in both ways — self-love or a love from someone. What? Then what shall you do? View. Wait. Be patient. Survive. Live. And don’t find. Do not roll and roam around these sad, sad beautiful eyes to catch a streak of it. Do not let it consume you and destroy you. For if you just find it, rolling and roaming these sad, sad beautiful eyes, it is not it. It becomes the unequivocal equivalent of the absence of self-love and the love you shall receive from others. Finding it is being a robber yourself. Finding it is sometimes choosing to be a robber — of being another person, or pretending to be another person.
It may not have existed in a person’s life yesterday.
It may not be embraced by a person right now.
It may not belong to a person tomorrow.
It may never be.
View. Wait. Be patient. Survive. Live. And don’t find.
Hope is what is left to find.
The blue, hazardous ocean and its waves may just retrieve a human with pure emotions from below. The other person surfaces from the ocean, beads of water glistening on his or her body. A naked body moving one’s limbs, feet, and arms, walking towards the land. Water constantly and wildly splashes on his or her feet until he or she felt the fine sand.
Although he or she stopped from walking for he or she felt a pain of something. He or she looked back on the ocean, saw the pain, and desperately ran. Water danced and whirled around him or her as he or she shot forward.
With all his or her might, the other person lifted the pain from the ocean.
it was forever