An Identity Crisis

Like some first gen young adults, I deal with an identity crisis every day. Changing my name from Rahhel to Rachel — just because I “hated” the name, when I now know that it was because I didn’t want to be different.

Other than culture traditions and requirements for my future, I was raised to be white. When I was 15, my dad stopped going to our regular church for political reasons. I am not religious, but church gave me an opportunity to get to know other Eritreans and learn that I wasn’t alone. Again, that was taken away from me at a young age.

Then changing the pronunciation of my last name from (Hi-Lay to Hail-EE) because “I was tired of correcting people.”

I was told not to have “too many” black friends because hanging out with them would get me stereotyped even quicker.
I don’t blame my parents. Many people think that raising your children to be privileged will save them from being profiled. They were protecting me, and that’s all I can ask from parents. But that notion is definitely not true.

Call me whatever you want, Rahhel Haile, Rachel “Hailey,” Rachel Haile (even though I really do hate the name Rahhel.) Maybe it’ll help me out.