How do I let go when I have invested so much?
I did not know about this opportunity, truth is that I was not looking for it. but then it was properly advertised to the point where i could not resist. Allow me to start from the beginning:
I relocated and was on the quiet side minding my own business when this person came along, he was nice and very hardworking and loves to laugh, the three things that I love in my friends and so I saw an opportunity to make a new friend. He was always there for me, I enjoyed spending time with this friend. I was learning a lot about life, about people, work, family and I believe I was becoming a better person.
Then things shifted. I found myself texting more, he would only text to ask for help on something. I saw this and understood that it was not right, but still I did not really mind, I was determined to not let go of this friendship. I had invested so much in this friendship to just walk away. I was there for him in tears and laughter and that’s huge. I am that person who wants to leave footprints, I do not want to walk away, I want to touch a life and I was determined to touch this one.
I thought well if I walk away, I will have my pride but all the hard work will be in vein. At one point one of his close male friends commented that he had a thing for every girl who came into the neighborhood. He told me about it and asked me to keep my distance. I understood and kept my distance.
I would say hi, here there and he would give very cold responses. His birthday came up and I felt “well he has been my friend, the only one I know on this street, I cannot not get him anything”. So I got him a very small gift, some guyish item (nothing intimate), and asked him to pick it up, he came to pick it and the moment he got it, he stormed out. I had never seen such behavior my whole life. The guy was going in my direction but he jumped in his car and stepped on the pedals like his life depended on it. It was to the point where my housemate looked and was like “wow, he is really running”.
That was so embarrassing, I felt really sad, cried about it. But i guess it did not hurt enough cause i still stayed as his good friend. I would check up on him still. This was not a physically abusive friendship but it was so toxic. I would tell him about stuff bothering me (family/work stuff)and he would just go like “I will help you later”. Whenever I would call he would be like “let me call you back am in a meeting”. When he called back it was because he wanted a favor or something for him. I found myself literally forcing things.
I have read and watched stories of people who stayed in toxic relationship and I had been the girl on the other side of the fence saying “hey you don’t need to cry about that, let it go! you deserve better”. But me, how could I let go when this guy helped me understand the importance of family and hard work? I had also invested so much in his development, how could I just let go? I could not see myself letting go.
This is what helped me walk away.
- Realize that there is a difference between letting go and leaving
For me it was so important that I not be the one to terminate the friendship, I did not want to be the one who left. So even when the guy left, I kept holding on. This was straining me because the wight became to heavy to bear. When i realized that he had left and I was busy pulling letting go was natural.
When I let go, I let go of every expectation of this person being a good friend. I did not classify him as a bad friend either, I just looked at him as a person. That’s it. I did not respond to his actions.
2. Let this make you better
I do not hate this person. I do want this experience to happen again but believe you me if i could, I would not change this experience for anything because I have learnt so much. I am better, I am stronger, I am wiser, I even have a story to tell.
Instead of giving in, I mean lets face it, it may not be a relationship but life will throw something at you once in a while, and the choice you have everyday is that you can be who you want to be regardless. This is an opportunity for you to look inside and decide who you are going to be. So who are you going to be? better or bitter?
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself”. George Bernard Shaw
So how did I let go?
I did not do it on my own, I talked to the people I trust, my big sister was the major person I talked to. I also read more about the experience I was having and then eventually I made a decision. I decided to let go and I did
I do not hate this guy, I am actually very grateful for the many lessons I learnt. Now I read more, I write more and I laugh more.
In life you will meet many challenges and obstacles that will test your character. Yours is not to try to win every battle or every challenge but to grow from every experience. Yours is to breath, lift your head up and show up because there is another beautiful experience if you do not let your past experiences break you.
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