Good Resources on Sex
A constantly evolving list of resources on sex with focus on male-bodied individuals.
Sex is potentially one of the most beautiful experiences one can experience as a human. Sadly, the topic is still somewhat taboo in most societies. When starting out, most of us rely on what we have seen and heard about sex in the media, or on porn, or on conversations with our equally clueless peers.
If you have little experience, sex is often connected to anxiety: Does my partner enjoy what I am doing? Does my behavior conform their expectations? Why can’t I make my partner orgasm? How do I become a better lover? Am I normal? …
Luckily, once you dig into it, you will find that there is a wealth of resources available online. Still, it can still be hard to find the thing you want to know explained in a way that resonates with you.
In this particular article, I want to list a collection of free and paid ($) resources that I have come across over the years and that I believe may help you improve your sex life. As this is only a listicle but still potentially useful to many lovers, I am not putting it behind the Medium paywall.
I intend to continually update the list as I encounter more helpful content.
Internet
- r/sex on reddit is great place to ask questions about sex and benefit from an open and experienced community. Quality of the content varies, naturally. I would specifically recommend visiting the FAQ where moderators have collected a large number of posts on many topics around sex.
- ($) One resource have I just did not have the time to explore is omgyes.com. It is basically a series of videos and interactive exercises about female pleasure. I have heard many good things about it. The material should be especially (but not only!) useful for women or couples.
- askmen.com has some good information, but you have to browse around for a bit to find the useful stuff. For example there is an extensive article about sex positions, if you’re feeling creative.
Podcasts
- I’m a huge fan of The Psychology Podcast, and even though it generally does not touch on the topic of sex, I can recommend the conversation with Dr. Lehmiller on sexual fantasies. (It is a bit more nerdy, though.)
- Speaking of Dr. Lehmiller, a reseacher on the topic of relationships who pivoted to sex research: he recently started his own podcast on sex that is definitely worth checking out. It seems to take a broad view on the topic and will not teach you specifics about what to do in bed.
- Pleasure Mechanics features conversations about many different aspects of sex. I have only recently discovered them, but there is a vast number of episodes to explore.
- If you are a German speaker, there is a very open and honest podcast on sex called Oh baby podcast. Highly recommended. It is basically two women having a more or less casual conversation about various sex-related topics.
Books
- ($) She Comes First by Kerner is a great book about cunnilingus. Personally, I did not like his writing style and analogies (it took me two attempts to finish the book even though it’s a short one) but the advice is sound. This book should give you a good understanding of women’s sexual anatomy and how to use your mouth to pleasure her.
- ($) The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Chia can be useful if you are interested in achieving multiple orgasms as a man or for working on premature ejaculation. I cannot give a recommendation without reservations, though, because this book is based mainly on Taoist practices rather than science, so it is up to you to separate the useful information from the rest. There is definitely good practical information for some men in it.
- ($) Mating in Captivity by Perel is less about sex and more about passion and eroticism and how to rekindle your relationship. I personally found the book a worthwhile read. To get an idea about what the author is about, you can watch her TED talk.
Videos
- Not sure if I’m allowed to link this here directly, but just google “how to eat pussy like a champ”, if you, you know, want to know how to eat pussy like a champ. (NSFW)
- The youtubers Come Curious take more of a light-hearted approach. It’s less about solid information but more about personal experience/opinion. This resource is probably best for younger viewers.
- An introduction about premature ejaculation and treatment options is summarized by Dr. Elswarapu in a youtube video.
Other
- The research paper “Effects of a New Functional-Sexological Treatment for Premature Ejaculation” can be a helpful resource if you are struggling with premature ejaculation. If you ignore the researchy parts, it really gives practical advice on how to help yourself.
Let me know if there’s some resource you feel I should definitely add! Feel free to check back later to see if there are new resources in the list.
