Dirty Confession of a Pseudo-Extrovert: Because of The Internet
If you get the reference of the title, I love you.
Last time we very briefly talked about me going from a social potato to singing the National Anthem in a train. Let’s dive deeper into the ocean, shall we ?
All jokes aside, I love the Internet.
The Internet provides access for us to communicate with our friends/family, cat videos are lit, and the memes are dank. But most importantly,
The Internet changed my life. Forever.
Dude what? The memes were that dank?
No dude. Hear me out.
When you don’t know how to jump your car, who do you ask? When you don’t know how to cook vegan lasagna, who do you ask? When you don’t know who would win in a fight between chewbaca and Pikachu, who do you ask?
The Internet.
So that’s what I did. No, not looking up Chewbaca vs. Pikachu. But the google search that changed my life forever:
how to meet girls.
Yeah. I was that desperate.
I just didn’t know how. No one taught me that in school. My parents never told me. I couldn’t even make a close guy friend. So, to the Internet I go.
But it wasn’t easy for me to do even that. I had to hit rock bottom to look for help. It took me months of locking myself in a dark room, feeling depressed, feeling sorry for myself, trying to sleep it off and forget about the pain, waking up and hating myself,…. The list goes on and on and on, but I won’t get super graphic. At least for now.
I would do that and repeat for several months. To put that into perspective, that’s actually a long time to be in such a low place like that. At a certain point, I got tired of it.
“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.” — Elizabeth Gilbert
What I found from the first page of google from the search result was.. let’s just say, interesting. All sorts of things pop up. I go through everything.
‘go to church and meet girls there.’ — I hate church.
‘ask your friends to introduce you to one of their female friends.’ — I don’t have friends.
‘get rich or get muscular.’ — I’m 19 and broke.
I shake my head as I go through these search results. these are all useless. I’m feeling more and more hopeless by each minute. I look down from the computer screen and close my eyes. I sigh.
I mean, it only makes sense. I guess everyone’s kinda just born with it. I’m just fucking weird.
I start to blame everything again. I blame myself for not knowing how to talk to people, I blame my parents for never showing me how to do it, I blame school for never teaching me it, I blame society for alienating me.
Dark thoughts.
Damn it.
I get back on my laptop and keep searching, this time with more anger. What else am I gonna do. This time I go through the video section… wait hold up
I see this goofy-looking Asian guy walking up to girls and he’s getting their numbers.
What.
I keep watching. My jaw slowly starts dropping I might as well be drooling. What is this...
So you’re telling me.. I can just walk up to people.. and just talk to them ? And be their friend ?
Shut up.
I stay up and binge watch these balls-of-steel human beings for hours. My jaw is still down low to the floor like Cardi B makin’ money moves.
This gives me hope. I’ve been locked up in a prison and now I see a strand of light from the ceiling.
So, there I decide. This is where my life changes.
I’m going to go talk to strangers.
I hear birds chirping in the background. I look out the window. Sun is up.
I kick the blanket off of me. I’m splashing cold water on my face. Ice cold. My skin tightens up.
I look up and he’s there yet again, staring back at me. Until now, it was almost as if there was of disappointments oozing from his eyes. Not today. He’s nodding, telling me to go do it. I walk out my door.
The sun sprays all over me. I’m walking. My feet are moving. My heart’s pumping. There are people around me, my heart’s beating faster. My eyes widen up.
Then, I see her.
Pink sundress, brown wedges, long dark hair. Everything around her blurs out and she’s walking in slow motion.
I start walking towards her. She sees me.
