“Don’t ever choose the love that didn’t choose you the first time” #Realization101

I released him. I let him go — out of my spirit, mind and heart. Not because I was strong but because he made me weak.

We met on MySpace. His username was “Fly Guy” and I was “CheFash”. I met him when I was 16 years old and 16-year-old Che’ didn’t like nice guys. Our talks use to be innocent. They were usually centered around church, fashion and family. I ended up going to his senior prom with him and during that time I would describe him as smitten. We were friends first, way before I saw him in being more than that.

So FAST-FORWARD to 2016 — -I saw him on the train platform — lucky me, I know. Out of the millions of people living in New York City. I see him waiting on the same train, heading uptown. I would be lying if I didn’t say he didn’t glow up. There he was 9 years after I first laid eyes on him with a full beard, standing at 6’6 with his fashionable self. We locked eyes (ok so maybe I forced it and made sure that he saw me) anyway; he was no longer chocolate brother, he was a chocolate man. After catching up, we promised to stay in touch and that we would find time to see each other soon.

That never happened, so when I got an incoming call from him earlier this year telling me to come outside, I couldn’t resist. I walked outside looking for his Infinity only to see him in a tinted black Audi (drools). Anyways, I got in the car and we talked for hours. Here I was thinking, how can we vibe like time hasn’t passed. The whole time I was in the car I kept thinking to myself, this is your opportunity, you might never see him again, this is your chance to tell him how fine and glowed up he is. However, I blurted out “why didn’t we work” and he looked me straight in my eye and said, “Che’, I was in love with you and you didn’t want to be with me”.

So of course that hit a nerve. I went inside and had time to process it. How did I let him slip away? So now I’m here on the GRAM dropping little messages in his snap story, laughing at his snaps, commenting under his photos (Thirsty much). I even invited him out. However, nothing good came out of that.

A few months later I sent him a message. I TOLD him if it was worth anything. I finally discovered the true meaning of love. It wasn’t a plea to be with him. I didn’t’ want to be with him. I just wanted him to know all those years that he waited for me to feel the same way weren’t in vain. He said it’s nice of me to feel that way but he stopped waiting a long time ago.

Of course, I was mad…finally I liked him and he didn’t feel the same way. However, I saw him at Curl Fest and this time I saw him and looked away.

I wished him well from a distance. Because this time my heart couldn’t take much more.

Lesson from Love: So ladies, whoever told you the good guy always finishes last, lied. The Good guy doesn’t always finish last. I’ve friend zone so many guys because they weren’t “manly” enough or “too nice” and then grew up and noticed no one wants a bad guy.

Second lesson, some doors closed because God blocked you from what was in it. We have the tendencies of prying the door or taking a sneak peak of what we think we are missing. However, God had that the door closed for a purpose. PLEASE stop knocking on a door that God already closed

Third lesson- Who rereads the same chapter and expect something different? The chapter says what it needs to say. You can reread it for interpretation but the end will not change. Let’s learn from Lot’s wife and move forward.

Fourth lesson- Be vulnerable. Yes, I told him how I felt and no he didn’t feel the same way. But someone once told me that closed mouth don’t get fed. Many times we have crushes and we want to tell someone how we feel, but fear gets in the way. Be opened to love and when love is not opened to you, just give it more time.

Fifth lesson- If you are dropping comments, likes and you’re not getting anything in return be okay with just that. Maybe that person is just not that into you. And that’s okay. You tried — now move on.

Finally- Mr. Nice guy, Bestie, Bro, will one day move on without you. So if you’re best guy friend is someone you like, have the potential to like and you’re technically dating him without the title — it’s time to reevaluate YOUR friendship. I’m not saying that you should force something that’s not there. However, dig deeper and don’t have your bro chilling in the friend zone for ten years when you know that you all would be perfect together

Okay this is my last final advice…PRAY ABOUT IT!!! I repeat you want answers or revelations ask GOD!