It was a hazy September day when an article came into my RSS aggregator that made me sit up straight.
“L.A. Noire is coming to the Switch,” it said, right from the get-go. Maybe it knew that was all of the introduction it needed.
“L.A. Noire?” I barked back. I set my La Croix on my desk and leaned in closer. “I haven’t heard that name in five years. Is this some kind of joke? Who sent you?”
“Polygon.com,” said the article as it set its title down at the top of the window.
Polygon. As much as I didn’t want to believe what I was hearing, Polygon wasn’t the type to mess around. So I checked. I hopped into a new tab and peeled out for the Polygon homepage. I had to let my hands do some talking to find out what I needed to know (the Polygon search function is well-hidden and not one of the better blog search functions out there), but eventually I got through. And there it was, clear as crystal. L.A. Noire is coming to the Switch. …
OOOOoooooo… …ooooOOOOOoooo… …ooooOOOOOOOOOO!
(Those are, um, supposed to be ghost sounds.)
This post is a special Halloween post in a series called… Reviews You Can’t Use!
(Lightning strikes close, and thunder rumbles through the hall. A horse whinnys in the distance.)
…in which your host for the evening brings an old game…
(A pause. Suddenly, with spooky vibrato…)
Back from the dead!
And then tells you whether it’s good or not! But along the way, he is… haunted. Haunted by a series of tangents and stylistic flourishes that, while entertaining, ultimately detract from the clarity and the supposed purpose of the post! …
This post is part of a group, “Criticisms In Which You Will Find No Utility”, in which its author talks about a disc you didn’t buy for a Wii U you didn’t own, but that you might buy as a card for your Switch.
It is uncommon that “spin-off” is said fondly, as many spin-offs, draining cash from fans of original works, bring only small joys for it. …