no one will read this but I don’t care. I’m typing this, drunk, on my iPad, because I want to get it off my chest, and that’s all. Maybe rmabling about it will help me figure some stuff out about myself or maybe some guy will come across it one night and better understand feminism or something. Who fuckin knows, whatever. I don’t have a journal or anything so this is what I got

The whole reason I’m doing this is because I got called out for being a fan of nick Mullen/cum town while I was drunkenly & enthusiastically declaring that I was not a feminist (to be fair, my point was that I’m not a feminist but rather pro-feminism, a distinction i take seriously). I know it’s not a good look but I’ll going to describe the way I relate and show solidarity with women comrades.

I’m a cis straight Chicano male, thoroughly raised by the patriarchy. I don’t even know what to include in this feminism thing I’m writing. I don’t know shit about gay or lesbian or bi or trans or nonbinary or anything and I’ve acted in shitty patriarchal ways that have worked towards marginalizing those groups, at times probably without even realizing it. fucking beauty of male privilege right, I can be a total shithead and not even realize it?

And tthats the thing. As a cis straight man I’ve done things a lot fucking worse than liking a nick Mullen tweet. And this awful shit is encouraged in ways we don’t even see. My friends and I used our various sexual achievements for prestige, each achievement marking benchmarks in our own development as men. Our first sexual conquest turned in us into men and our future ones made us bigger, stronger ones. I got nudes of this one. I got head from this one. I had to ghost this one because she liked me too much. And you compare war stories and see where you stand. And it’s always the dudes with money and power who get the most pussy and do the wildest shit and so we go out and seek to replicate those horrible fucking sexual conquests of those powerful men so we can get a little taste. And if we do get that money and power, oh fuck yeah we’re gonna get ours

It sounds gross right now. But this shit just makes young men more confident and in turn more successful. If we show up with beautiful women people fucking love us. If we get girls we’re fucking valuable. And while we do this we shame the girls who are too slutty and disparage the ones who are too prudish. This is the experience of so many men. Of so many men who calls themselves feminist. Who will say they support women and then do some blow at a party and cheat on their girl. It’s the way our society works. Its the way the hierarchies we follow for some reason rule us.

We don’t know the fear women feel when they deal with men: When they’re using public transit alone at night, Walking to their car, When they’re dealing with an abusive partner, turning down someone’s advances, even fucking agreeing to go on a date. This “system” is insidiously and brutally violent against women. And we, as men, benefit just enough to keep it in place ignoring the damage it does to our comrades, sisters, mothers, and ourselves.

Im not a feminist. I really try to be the best I can be. But I’m a cis straight male. Some white capitalist can’t call himself a blank panther. He’s complacent in that racist system. By living, by being a sexual being in this patriarchal society, ive excluded myself from being a feminist. I can’t speak for the experience of women or what they need or what should be done. So I’m pro feminism. I’m pro women’s liberation. Help them speak and act and let them do it interrupted. Listen instead of talk. Listen. Listen. Listen. And repent. Then do it again. Shut the fuck up for once dude

I’m still drunk. And stoned. I’ll never tell anyone I wrote this or share it or whatever because why the fuck do we need another mans voice on the issue