Having HIV Has Opened Me Up to a New Community

Not long after I had been diagnosed with HIV, I reached out to someone I knew, who also was HIV positive. During my weekend visit to London, I decided to meet him for a drink, to discuss how I was feeling, and to listen to any advice he had for me.

I met him on an overcast day in London, and we went to a rooftop cocktail bar that he knew. I don’t get to London too often, so I was delighted to have a friend and a city expert all in one! We started with having a Coke, because I didn’t want to start on the alcohol yet without at least one entirely sober conversation about what I had been through over the last few weeks. Soon, he prompted me to launch into the reason why we met up; to talk about HIV.

I told him the story of the two rapid test kits, the more recent hospital blood tests, the reactions my boyfriend had, and how I had only broken down in tears once; when I was worried about my boyfriend’s HIV status.

My friend was brilliant. He reassured me, ‘poz to poz’, that I was going to be fine. Yes, I’d have to manage my medication. I’d also have to let the treatment (once I’ve started it) to take its course until I became undetectable. I’d have to trust my medication to do its work, so I could fully get on with my life.

He also assured me, that while having HIV would now be yet another part of my life, it wasn’t going to take over my life. There would be days where I wouldn’t think of it, maybe apart from the one time each day when I’d take my medication. Other than that, it would not affect me.

I needed to hear that, and a lot more, which he provided in bundles. I know I’ll have ‘down days’ over the next while, and I don’t exactly feel like a sexy stud, but any periods of feeling low will be temporary. Knowing that my friend was living a ‘normal’ life in London was a major relief; I knew that living with HIV was not a big deal in comparison to years ago, but seeing that my friend was fine… that meant a lot.

My friend also mentioned something to me that I got a small glimpse into recently.

“Look at it this way”, he said. “For years, you’ve been part of two communities here; you are an immigrant, and you’re part of the LGBT community. Now you’re also part of a community of people who are [HIV] Positive. You can tap into, and support, that community as much as you’d want to. You now have another community, to which you belong.”

That made me feel supported, and just a little bit more secure than before.

I have to take a moment here. I realise that I’m probably being much more positive-minded here (excuse the pun!) than one would expect.

The truth is: While I don’t feel that my world has fallen apart since my diagnosis, I realise that other people have reacted, and others will react, very differently. I also realise that just because I haven’t broken down into an emotional mess, it doesn’t mean that I won’t at some stage in the future. I could easily have a moment over the next while, where I simply fall apart.

If I do, I’ll pick myself up, and remember that life goes on.