The Power of Sharing Your Story
Like many addicts, I was selfish, self-centered and self-seeking to the core. When I got sober, the only thing I could think about was what I was going to get out of it. I never did anything my entire life unless I could get something out of the deal, which is exactly what self-seeking is. Luckily, Alcoholics Anonymous had these “promises” everyone kept talking about, and I thought this was about as real as Santa providing me with the Christmas presents I wanted.
The promises didn’t offer anything materialistic either. I had a sponsor who constantly reminded me that I only think I know what I need. What’s that mean? I thought the nice job, money, car, house or relationship was what I needed to be happy, but I never was. So these promises offered things like comprehension of the word “serenity” and knowing peace. They told me that I’d know a new freedom and a new happiness. Fear of people and economic insecurity would leave me? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
There was one promise that sounded completely insane though, and I never thought I’d see the day where it came true:
“No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.” Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 84
This sounded like a tall order that no amount of sobriety, step work or meetings could fulfill. Much like the other promises, I was amazed to see this one happening right in front of my eyes early on in my sobriety.
I Suffer from “Terminal Uniqueness”
If you’re like me, you felt very lost and alone in active addiction. My whole life it felt like nobody understood who I was, what I was dealing with or where I came from. I kept isolated from the world towards my active addiction because my head told me that I was the only one on earth who felt the way I did, but that all changed once I actually decided to give AA and NA a shot.
You see, whether you have faith in 12-step programs or not, Alcoholics Anonymous struck gold with their philosophy:
“But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with fact about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours” Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 19
Sure, I may have told a few people what was really going on with me, but nobody quite got it. Why couldn’t I just stop? Everyone has suffered from tragedy, some depression and anxiety. Why can’t I just man up and get over it without trying to cover it up with alcohol or drugs? Eventually, I just stopped even wanting to try to explain my troubles to anyone else.
The first time I went to AA, all I heard was how much different I was than everyone else in those rooms. A little over four years ago, something incredible happened. I was sitting in AA and NA meetings in another state with complete strangers completely hopeless about life with my head down staring at the floor, and I began hearing my story from others. Although some minor details were different, the men and women in these rooms were describing exactly how I felt. It was like they’d been spying on me my whole life.
Maybe I wasn’t so different. Maybe the men and women in these 12-step meetings did understand me. Not only did they understand what I was going through, but they had a solution. It’s here that I found hope, and hope is something that I hadn’t had for years. They opened up and freely spoke about where they’ve been and how far down the scale they had gone, which benefited me, so the promises were being fulfilled for them in that moment whether they realized it or not.
I Began Opening Up
I used to have social anxiety like you wouldn’t believe when I got sober. At the meetings in California where I began my journey of sobriety, you signed in at the beginning of the meeting. Every now and then by chance, they’d call my name, and I had no clue what to say. I just shared what was on my mind, and after each time I shared, I would just think about how stupid I sounded. Almost 100% of the time after the meeting, a man or a woman would come up to me after the meeting and thank me for sharing. They’d tell me how I shared something that they needed to here. Sometimes they even hugged me…What?
How did anything I had to say help anyone else? I still don’t have the answer to that question because I don’t know everyone’s story, but I believe that maybe they thought they were alone like I did until they heard me share something similar.
When I moved back to Las Vegas, the format was different. They didn’t call on you. You just kind of hopped in when you felt compelled to share. All of a sudden my social anxiety came back. I was always worried that if I jumped in to share, people would judge met by thinking, “Pfffffft. Look at this guy thinking he has all the answers,” because my head is my own worst enemy. I asked my sponsor what I should do because sometimes I felt like I wanted to share, and he reminded my of the promises by telling me this:
“Maybe that feeling you’re getting is something telling you that you have something to share that might help someone in that room who is struggling.”
It was then and there where I had a moment of clarity that by not sharing, I was being selfish. While I may not have all the answers and have no delusion in my mind that what I say is going to save everyone’s life, there might be someone in there who needs to hear something I’m going to share. If I’m too afraid to share, I might be depriving someone of hearing some hope that they need in order to stay sober that day.
Sharing Your Story can Change Someone’s Life
I can still quote things I heard during my first year sober because they helped save my life. Whether they know it or not, I know people who have relapsed who shared something before or after their relapse that helped me stay sober that day. We live in a world where feelings, mental illness and other troubles are misconceived or looked down upon. I feel that in order to decrease and abolish the stigma, we all need to do our part.
Like I said above, the philosophy of Alcoholics Anonymous is pure genius. Why do I say this? Because I’ve seen the philosophy work an endless amount of times in scenarios that have nothing to do with alcoholism or drug addiction. I’ve had many people in my life discuss life issues with me such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, financial troubles and every other type of problem you can imagine. Without even mentioning my alcohol or drug addiction, sharing my experience, strength and hope about the situation often allows us to connect on the subject.
I remember I had a friend who I got sober with who suffered from depression and his first sponsor from AA told him that he couldn’t relate to the depression issues. His AA sponsor knew a guy in NA who did have this experience and recommended my friend switch sponsors. He did, and he was able to connect much better. I do the same thing with everyday situations. If I have a friend who is struggling, and I can’t relate, I ask another friend who has this experience if they’d be willing to talk to the person. They pretty much always do, and it often helps both of them.
When any of us are struggling, all we’re really looking for is hope. You can have 1,000 people telling you that it’s going to be alright, but we don’t truly believe it until we hear an example of it. Us humans are skeptical, and we want proof that someone else has been able to make it to the other side of their struggle successfully. Whether you’re in recovery or not, never be afraid or ashamed to share your experience, strength and hope with someone because it just might give them hope and potentially change their life.
Be sure to check out my YouTube channel The Rewired Soul for mental health and addiction recovery videos.
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Far From Finished is a podcast series that shares the unfiltered, real-life stories of people in recovery. Told in their own words, these stories provide insight into the experiences of people who are embarking on their own personal journey of recovery and triumph over addiction.
