The Second.

Chris Chappell'e II
Nov 3 · 3 min read

Once upon a time, I never knew about pride. I never knew about legacy.

Absence set the tone in the game of consistency. Initially, I was clueless.

Actually, I was unattached.

To any sort of emotion.

I did not miss you. I did not love you.

However, I did dwell about the times you were gone when you would be around, and I did notice that I buried a sacred perspective of you that nothing or no one could ever remove when you were away.

I was a lost boy.


I am a lost boy.

I can say that I am “a man” to many others, including my own two ears.

Never would I ever consider my self a liar. However, I had no image of a man to emulate, let alone mimic. I consistently refused to follow in any else’s foot steps. I barely recognized my own. I barely held on to the courage to accept that I had foot steps to begin with, and not have them accompanied by a bigger, more experienced set near by.

Surely, you were around as you saw fit. Surely, you have memories that I don’t quite have or get. Surely, I know of my peers’ stories and upbringings that would have them admit that you deserve credit for your efforts. I do not always argue. Nor do I always agree.

Meanwhile, I am progressing, into a rather mystic individual. No shame, either. I realized a while ago, that an identity was only as important as someone’s perception and neither of them are permanent.

Amidst my choices and manifestations in life thus far, you’ve been around as of lately to witness experiences that no one can say they saw coming.

You & I; London Bridge, circa March 2017.

At times, I wish I had that smile on my face a lot more next to you.

At times, I cry so much inside, it overflows through my eyes.

At times, I suppress every tear, until I go and join the sport that helped refuge my being, and begin to embrace every drop escaping through my pores.

At times, I go so hard with my passions, because I imagine you doing the same for me, yet also because I imagine you not-conscious of your [lost] seed.

At times, everything stops…

and I see you

and I see my sun

and it’s all love.

This energy, has been inside of me for quite some time and I had no idea of how to actually release it via words. I would always silence the thoughts and the noise and try to be present. Only to realize that I was doing none of the above. What I was actually doing was running as fast and far as I can, with no sense of direction. Just a goal, just a mission, to not accept my life for what it has been, what it is, and what it will be.

That is all over now.

Without you,

Christopher J. Chappell’e Sr.

and all that you come with,

who would I be?

Chris Chappell'e II

Written by

"the usefulness of the cup is its emptiness."

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