A Letter to My Nieces and Nephews

Dear Everyone,
Cathy has had metastatic breast cancer for 18 plus years. She has kept her cancer at bay initially with alternative treatments and then chemotherapy. We never had the illusion that Cathy would “Beat” cancer, because she was metastatic soon after her mastectomy. I and we have been fortunate to have shared our life for all this time. It has been a wonderful thing for both of us.
Cathy has had maintenance chemotherapy, two weeks on, one week off for many years. This last year she ran out of new chemotherapy options. She and her oncologist went back through the list and tried previous chemotherapy drugs that had worked in the past. Recovery time between treatments has become more difficult and treatments less effective, then not effective at all. There are no more treatment options. Cathy has begun Hospice care. The most difficult metastasis is in her liver. Her abdomen gets distended with fluid that puts pressure on her stomach and lungs. Today she had a permanent drain inserted into her abdomen which she will be able to drain herself. Hospital staff drained 2 ½ liters of fluid from her abdomen today to give you an idea of how much fluid she accumulates.
I love all of you and appreciate how you have embraced Cathy as part of our family. I love that you call her Aunt Cathy and of course you can call her Cathy if you want. This is a hard time for both of us. Cathy mourns the things she loves about living that she is gradually able to do less of. Her process of decline really helps me to understand Grandpa Bill more than I could when he was dying. Cathy and I think of him often.
I don’t know when Cathy will die. It may be in the next weeks or months. I think she would really like mail from you. I may need help from you: maybe to help with your physical presence and assistance during her dying process, your company and support after Cathy dies. It’s hard to know how I will feel. I do know I will feel very lonely.
I have been spoiled by her presence: being together silently in the same house working on separate projects, talking out loud knowing there is someone to listen, laughing out loud knowing we have a history of shared funniness, loving the little things even those that are a little irritating, singing in harmony, singing off key, understanding each other, working together like a “well oiled machine”, eating together, cooking together, being together, loving each other, making a home together.
Cathy is donating her body and I will get her ashes after she has served medical students as a cadaver. I will plan a memorial service with the help of the Hale family, our friends, the Gutjahr extended family. You are invited to participate and attend the service. We will have to figure a time when the majority of us can attend.
It feels so good to say this in writing. It is a part of my grieving process.
Love,
Chris