I know the words "I love," can be terrifying. I run from others who have said "I love" since Cathy died. What kind of obligation, my boundaries shake and quake. I’m afraid they’ll crumble and I’ll be in a bad place. The before Cathy place.

I have protective layers. I still had some with Cathy.

Each time I feel love with a patient, a friend, a family member, I want to go back to Cathy and see how we loved. How we hit the mark, how we missed the mark, and try to really feel and believe our love in a deep way, to my core.

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