If You’re Alone, It’s Because You Suck
Don’t listen to the wanna-be Life Coaches, New Age Happiness Gurus, and other assorted Lifestyle Pimps. It’s NOT OK to be alone. It’s biologically wrong, morally reprehensible, and ethically… unethical.
Maybe you believe that being alone is good. Perhaps you are alone, and you feel that you are happy. If so, you disgust me.
How DARE you?! I was alone once, and it was horrible. I hit rock bottom. I saw a way out of the darkness, and it involved distracting myself from my own nagging, unexamined internal dysfunctions by shifting my focus to someone else. It worked.
It will work for you, too. Any other choice can only lead to disaster. Actually, any choice which involves being alone leads first to rampant selfishness, then to excessive self-pleasure, then to disaster. Some people who try being alone may also experience dry mouth, a change in stool color, violent convulsions and loss of libido.
Don’t be a narcissistic prick. Go out and get yourself somebody, before it’s too late! Join the fun! Become one of us… one of us… one of us…
