America is under siege from the guys in “Porky’s.” 

Chris Maley
Oct 9, 2013 · 4 min read

I am 42. Ronald Reagan was elected President when I was nine years old.

I went through those confusing, awkward years from kid to young adult with Dutch in the White House.

There’s a group of guys around my age, ranging from roughly five years younger to, say, six years older. Our commonality is living at least part of those male development years during the beginnings of the movement to destroy the middle class and the ending of the Soviet Union. Porky’s was one of the many movies released during the Reagan years whose proverbial message was: fella, if you are white, good looking and have money, the world is yours for the taking.

So go ahead. Take it. Whatever “it” is that you desire. Bro: what are you waiting for? Who cares if it’s passed out and defenseless? Go ahead and take it.

Bros of Reagan.

Before I get into my Porky’s thought, (and no, I’m not talking about the shower scene) I gotta revisit the ‘90s, say, ’91. A Saturday afternoon, summertime living, Boulder, some friends and I were hungry, this hamburger place seemed good.

We’re eating, and in walks eight white guys.

Bros. Confident. Privileged. Prep school or lily-white suburbia upbringing, I couldn’t tell. But they were bad ass and traveling in a pack.

My friends and I got the stare-down from the traveling band of asshole-dom, oh yes we did. So did the other tables of guys.

The pack. In line yelling and screaming, pushing each other. All the while, at least two bros kept watch, scanning the tables, ready to alert the pack to any trouble.

Whether that trouble would be not induced by them or, if need be, induced by them, they were ready. Pussies better look out.

They order food, harassing the people behind the counter. (These are fast food workers, that’s what they are there for.) At least two were always on watch.

Conversation, at high decibels, was about sluts, fags and pussies. They hated pussies. (Some would say the word while making eye contact with a guy at another table.)

Then, something happened.

Three black guys walked in the front door.

The pack went silent.

The bros sped up the pace of consuming their meal. No more talk about sluts, fags and pussies. Just nervous looks out the window and down at the trays of food.

Because three of their fellow American citizens who happened to have different colored skin were hungry and thought that restaurant seemed like a good place for a meal.

I’ll bet you $10: today, most (if not all) of those bros from that possess pure rage about our President being a black man.

Segue to Porky’s. The Porky’s universe of racism.

Now, I’m not saying Porky’s is solely to blame for screwing us up. Nooo. Plenty of disgustingness from the Dutch Reagan era screwed us up, Porky’s wasn’t alone.

The movie was released in 1982, the male group’s “formative” years. Go beyond sex with that one, this is when foundations of adulthood are put down.

The Reagan years. We were the first with HBO—if you didn’t have it, you knew a kid who did. The older guys of my group got to see the movie in theaters.

But besides the sex, this movie provides other great lessons for the kids.

Now, it didn’t address white-hating-black racism. According to Porky’s: black men are big, homicidally crazy and married to white prostitutes.
The racism-is-bad message from Porky’s focuses on bettering relations with the Jews.

A story sub-plot had to do with the new guy at school being Jewish. Most of the WASPy privileged guys liked him.

One of the guys, though, hoo boy. He was the redneck of the cool crowd. Didn’t like the Jew.

He confronted the Jewish guy, his racist hatred on full display. They fought.

Then, here’s what happened.

The other cool WASPy guys, they knew they had to resolve this.

So they have a talk. But not with the redneck racist, nope.

They sit the Jewish guy down.

They tell him that he didn’t understand. The redneck wasn’t bad, he came from a family of hate. The WASP guys told the Jewish guy that he should do the right thing. Take the initiative and reach out to the racist. And he did.

That’s one of the messages of Porky’s: if everyone else tried harder to understand white guy hatred, the world would be a better place.

Because the Jew made the effort to discover the good in the racist, they ended the movie as bros.

Fast forward a few decades: some of the kids who saw this movie and lots of other similar putrid 80s creations are involved in the effort to shut down the government.

They’re doing it for their bros.

Bros look out for each other.

No matter who else it harms, bros look out for each other.

    Chris Maley

    Written by

    I pay bills writing Websites, articles, ads, etc. Author of the Fearkiller dark comedy series. Check out my new book, Revolutionizer Alpha. chrismaley.com