Making it mediocre: the perplexing success of Domino’s Pizza
I’m trying to come at this with a sense of journalistic objectivity, but as a pizza snob I’ll come right out and say it: Domino’s Pizza is, at best, shockingly mediocre. The crust is plain and almost flavorless, the pizza chain equivalent of eating generic off-brand saltine crackers. The cheese (according to Dominos.com, the pizza cheese is as follows: part Skim Mozzarella Cheese (Pasteurized Milk, Cultures, Salt, Enzymes), Modified Food Starch, Cellulose (Added to Prevent Caking), Nonfat Milk, Whey Protein Concentrate, Flavors, Sodium Propionate (Added as A Preservative)) is bland and utterly safe as a flavor, fading into the background like elevator music, the sauce is overly sweet and the pepperoni is a thin shadow of high quality with the depth of a Michael Bay film. In a world of delicious pizza, Domino’s is completely unimpressive. Clearly, I’m not going to be invited to any Domino’s corporate junkets any time soon, so I reached out to some self-identified chefs to get their take:
“Take an object made of soda cracker paste, smear tasteless tomato sauce on it, put a flavorless cheese like substance on it, sprinkle on a canned black olive slice or two put a meat like substance that looks like nutria rat turds, bake at 400 till cheese substance is melted. Put in box, set on counter, stuff in bag, deliver luke warm. Advertise 24/7 on every radio, TV and newspaper how great your flavorless cardboard pseudo pizza is,” shared Ernie Wisner of Oregon.
“Domino’s Pizza is a commercial franchise and as any franchise is there to make as much money as cheaply as possible. The pizzas are like any commercial pizza usually bland compared to an “Italian” style pizza, the quality is average as it is commercial. When they make them all they do is open a large bag of premixed ingredients place it in a mixer, add water and push a button, so you will get the same base every time no love no pleasure in making it” added Giovanni Mantegna.
I was also advised to check Google reviews. My local Domino’s outpost had 279 reviews, with a score of 3.5 out of 5. One disappointed customer wrote, “Not enough toppings! Back in my day, double toppings were DOUBLE. But when I asked an associate why the skimpy toppings, they said….and get this….when you double a topping, the other toppings are portioned lower to allow for even cooking. Really? So I don’t eat there anymore, but my kids still do.” Aw, the kids, always accepting of Domino’s. I tried to buy my kids “good pizza” once from a local joint that literally piles on the toppings. It wasn’t a hit.
To be fair, there are some good reviews too, mostly centered around the value for the money, which cannot be overstated. In my own experience, the chain is quite generous if you sign up for their rewards program. One local reviewer really hit the nail on the head: “Pizza that is good enough to eat and priced for you to do so just about whenever one is hungry and pressed for time.”
Domino’s is perhaps the only major food establishment I’ve ever heard of that admitted it’s pizza was not that good. In 2009, the company CEO, Patrick Doyle, looked directly into the camera, and admitted the pie was no bueno.
They went as far as producing a mini-documentary admitting the faults of their pizza and explaining how they would turn things around. You can watch it here: https://youtu.be/AH5R56jILag
I remember this time, and for awhile, the pizza really was better. I can imagine inflation has been hard on the company, as it is for almost everyone. I eat their pies somewhat frequently because it is almost always in my house. I am a frequent Domino’s customer despite my strong culinary opinions. The reason is simple: the cost and the kids. Among fast food companies, Domino’s is one of the most generous. “Domino’s Rewards” as it is called, makes it very easy to earn free food. I’ve gotten numerous free pizzas and sides and when you carryout, there is no catch, it is absolutely zero dollars. I tip of course. Kids, in my experience, love the stuff. It is not objectionable, it is predictable and it fills them up. My son swears by it. I talk about better pizzas sometimes, but I can’t beat old faithful. He enjoys it, so I try to avoid saying negative things about it too much around him.
So now that I have explained what I believe is objectively mediocre pizza, what makes a good pizza? It starts with the cheese, it should be 100% mozzarella (no cheddar!), that stretches when you lift the slice. The crust should be unobtrusive, so the toppings can stand out, but flavorful in it’s own way. The toppings should be fresh and bursting with flavor. You can get a pizza like this near my home, you just need to spend about 20 dollars for a medium. Therein lies the rub; Domino’s is successful because it offers passable pizza at an affordable price. I think you can do better at Costco, but I’m mad at them for getting rid of their combination pizza, so I don’t want to talk about it. I suppose I have a lot of pizza-related angst that writing this is helping me discharge.
While Domino’s is not going to win any tasting events, according to Quick Service Restaurant Magazine, they were number one in sales in 2022, ahead of Pizza Hut and Papa John’s.
What is your favorite pizza chain? Let me know in the comments by clicking the little speech bubble icon. In the end, Domino’s doesn’t need my approval — they have millions of customers who vote with their wallets. I’m sure it will be in my house again in a few days.
********************************************
I am always grateful for any contribution towards my journalistic endeavors: https://www.paypal.me/trivalmaster
Sources:
Dominos:https://www.dominos.com/en/pages/content/nutritional/ingredients
AV Club: https://www.avclub.com/the-story-behind-domino-s-we-re-sorry-for-sucking-cam-1798259162
QSR: https://www.qsrmagazine.com/operations/fast-food/ranked-the-top-fast-food-pizza-chains-in-america/