
Finding Your Way to Trusting God: Part 2 — Digging Deeper
If you haven’t read Part 1, let me quickly summarize that post (if you want to read it, here is the link). For years I have kept things hidden under lock and key, deep in my soul, hoping to never face these things that have caused me considerable pain and suffering. Then, I read Psalm 31. I finally saw on full display these things that have kept me from fully trusting God. However, I also heard from God what he thought about each of these things. Today, I want to take the time to be vulnerable and layout what was holding me back. I hope that this would challenge you to dig deeper. To honestly ask yourself what is holding you back. Then, to be silent and listen to the Spirit and hear what God says about those things. Know this, that whatever happens, God cares about you and is ready to listen whenever you are ready to talk.
What is holding me back from fully trusting God? When I think about this and really dig deep, I see a broken child. A child that was stuck in depression, a child that was afraid to go to school, and a child that felt alone. A child that was bound by chains and shackles struggling to break free. A child that was done with life and was ready to end it. A child I wish could have just seen the love that his closest friends and family had for him. A child that I wish could just feel like he wasn’t alone. I was simply stuck. I had relationships that broke all the trust that I had built up in people. When I got to truly connect with God, I felt great. However, as time went on, I struggled to trust him. I just could not fully see God wanting someone so broken. Someone messed up. Someone bound by chains. Someone stuck with his own identity issues and insecurities. Someone that I felt was so unworthy of anything God could offer him. Someone that I felt even questioned God wondering why he would ever let these things happen to him. My nine-year walk has been that journey. Hitting growth spurts periodically. However, never living a life that truly resembled the faith that I should have in God. One that trusted that he could move any mountain, remove any obstacle, and do whatever it takes to save his child.
Sitting in that moment, I began to speak out what came to my mind. Words that I truly believe were words straight from God’s Spirit. Words that God breathed over me. Your past is redeemed. Your identity is my beloved son. All the pain and suffering you face, do not fear I am your refuge. All the chains and shackles that you feel bound by, guess what, they have been broken. You are now free. All the mistrust and abuse you faced at school is overcome by my unfailing love. A love that will overcome anything that you will face. You feel alone? Just remember that night you wanted to end it all before you even knew me. I was right there with you, protecting you. I will always be there. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate you from the love I have for you.
What is it that is holding you back? What do you think God will say if you lay those things you’ve kept hidden at the foot of the Cross? Give God that chance and be amazed at the overwhelming love and compassion God has for you. You are his beloved. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You have no faults, no failures, and no imperfections. You are just a child of God that is worthy of everything. A child of God that in his eyes is worth everything. A child of God that is perfect. Not lacking anything. All the scars we have built up over the years are beautiful in his eyes. God help us lay everything down. All our pride, guilt, shame, faults, failures, imperfections, our need to feel worthy enough, our desire to seek love in areas that will never be enough, and everything in-between. Let us lay all these things down at the foot of the Cross and replace it with you and nothing else.