To the girl I hurt

There is a million reasons why I should say sorry, but I don’t want my worthless excuses to fall onto you. Sorry will never be the word to use for all of the pain I caused you.

We’ve been through a lot over four spectacular years, that is true. For the fights I had started and I never ended I want to take them back. I want to tell your friends thank you for hating me. I also want to tell your family the same thing.

They all had their reasoning and I had so much resentment towards them, that it made us hate each other. You got use to the way I lied and I knew you did. You took my awful words and I took yours. Though you have moved on and so have I. I just want you to know I take back every shitty thing I had done to you.

In the back of my mind I know we would had been better of without each other. I also know we would not have. You showed me how to be a child but also grow. You had me at my lowest but also my highest.

You were always the one to pick me up when I was drunk and crying. You dried my tears and made me laugh. You bathed me when the nurses gave you the choice, because you knew I wouldn’t want them to do it. You showed me right from wrong and I’ll admit I never knew a difference.

I hate that I was the bad guy. I hate to admit it and i will forever frown upon the moments I was. You gave me the best years of my life while I was giving you, your worse. Maybe I have gone crazy and maybe these words will never show how I feel at 1 in the morning and every second of my day, but know I loved every late night talks we had. I loved our food runs, I loved giving you the foot rubs. I loved that you saved me from damaging my life. I loved every good memory we had and I regret the bad ones. I understand now I am YOUR LESSON. I get that I am.

I hope you sleep next to someone who does not make you feel like sleeping on the couch would be better. I hope you find someone who will hold you from the back like I never did. I hope you find someone who remembers your favorite food as many times as I forgot. I hope you find someone with a perfect smile, and laugh. I hope you find someone who is not a lesson but a reason. Lastly I hope you never forget me.

-yours truly.

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