Learning To Live With A Disintegrating Dream
Once upon a time I dreamed like most others dream when looking to build a family. First rolls, first push ups, first steps, first bites of foods etc… At 4 months old of my first child I realized this dream was never going to come to fruition. I have and still struggle with anxiety and worry about his future as well as the dreaded taboo term “depression”.
As young adults we create a lot of dreams for ourselves. Ruling our career, owning a car or home, making a change in other lives other than our own, starting a family and finding the loves of our lives and other dreams. We don’t ever address the “what if” life throws us such a kick in the ass, as to what happens to those dreams.
Well, they disintegrate. They disappear into thin air and slap you in the face with a harsh reality that you can either run from or face head on. You grieve those dreams and when they involve your own flesh and blood, you grieve what physical and mental abilities that they will never be ever to carry.
I don’t know how long it will take to rid myself of this disintegrating dream that has now become a daily nightmare, but I try to focus on my original dream of a big and loving family. I don’t see how anyone disability can take that away.