The sun pushed its way through my bamboo blinds this morning, teasing me with the suggestion of a beautiful sunny day. By the time I was up and having my coffee, though, the clouds had started moving in. My dog, Chief, and I went out to feed the horses; I was about to head back inside the house, but the advancing rain clouds changed my mind. We went for a walk, instead.
The birds I love hearing sing in the trees surrounding us were quiet; the weatherman’s rainfall warning must be right, then, the birds sheltering themselves from the coming storm. …
How does one end
The “less than” cycle?
How does one
So deeply engrained,
It influences every thing
One does, says, thinks
Do you have to go back
-all the way back
And find where it first came from?
Conflicting advice, not sure what to do
Shouldn’t the past just stay there?
You cannot heal that which you’re not aware
And so, they say,
The first step is acknowledging
But, it doesn’t all just flow smoothly from there
A long, hard battle
Fought going uphill
To try to make sense of it all
That feeling that you really are somehow less…
It’s cold outside today. So cold, the school buses were canceled, which means my four kids are all still home, sleeping. The temperature is -40C, to be exact, with a windchill that makes it feel more like -48C. We’re even colder than the North Pole.
This past July, my husband and I celebrated out 16th wedding anniversary. We left three kids with my sister-in-law and her family, and one kid with my parents (she had a summer job) and drove down through B.C for a few days. He even convinced me to try ziplining — which was terrifying, by the way, and not something I’m sure I’ll ever do again — which was something he’d always wanted to try.
We had an amazing few days. We both work hard year round, so it was important for us to pause and relax. And with four kids at home, even though they’re not little anymore, it can be hard to fit in enough couple time. …
I have often wondered why we were created without the benefit of better foresight. You likely know the saying, “Hindsight is 20/20”…if only foresight could be, too. Hindsight is great to help us see our mistakes and what a fool we were after the fact; foresight and self-awareness would help us prevent it in the first place.
Over the course of my marriage, there were many times I was too stubborn to back down on stuff that really didn’t matter. I mean, some of the things I fought so hard for, I now know — with that handy hindsight — were totally not worth fighting for. …
There’s a saying that’s been popping into my head a lot lately. You’ve likely heard it: How you do one thing, is how you do everything.
This can be taken a couple of different ways. In one example I heard, it was how a man started out as a janitor, but he always gave that job 110%, as though his role as the janitor was just as important as the role of the CEO. Because of that work ethic and determination, he worked his way up to be the CEO. …
Just like in people, tension headaches are a common occurrence in horses. When a horse is chronically tense or tight, those tight, contracted muscles restrict blood flow. This in turn results in reduced oxygen delivery to the tissues (hypoxia). Nerves are very sensitive; because of this, when there is reduced blood flow and oxygenation of the tissues, neurotransmitters and natural chemical are released, resulting in pain.
There are other factors, too. Poor air quality (for the horse who’s nearly always stabled indoors), improperly fitting tack, dental issues, nutritional imbalances, a hard handed rider, and the rider’s balance/position can all contribute to a horse having headaches… and that’s not even touching on the fact that horses are emotional and energetic street sweepers, taking on the stress/anger/fear/angst their owner or rider might be carrying. …
Here we are, already at the end of September. Somehow, even with four kids in school, we’ve made it the whole month without getting sick. That is pretty miraculous. Except, I can’t forget to add that I seem to have been struck with a case of pink eye — which is rather confusing to me. I mean, why would I be the one to get pink eye?
No matter, there’s Polysporin drops for that, and it’s a long way from my heart, as the saying goes. (It is really annoying and itchy, though. …
I don’t know about you, but I have pretty huge dreams for my life. I’ve spent so much time dreaming and visualizing that I can FEEL how it’ll actually feel. I can almost taste the air I live in, in the future. That’s how intimately I know it.
My goals for the success I’m chasing include becoming a well paid writer — both through best-selling books, and blogging on places like Medium.
Ok, let me rephrase that so it tells the truth: my goal isn’t merely to be well paid. …
I am drowning.
The day-to-day demands placed on me by myself and my family make it feel like sinking is the only realistic outcome. It’s too hard to swim when there’s so much weighing me down.
I have dreams of being a successful author and a decent writer here on Medium. But every day I swallow the bitter guilt and self-anger that rises up because, once again, I don’t have (or make) the time to do what I so strongly feel called to do.
It sometimes makes me feel like I’m living a lie, to be honest. I crave it — making a living as a writer, having my words help, teach, comfort, or entertain. I want it so bad, I can taste it. I can see me, spending my day happily writing. Constructing stories out of nothing but my own imagination. …