My divorce certificate arrived in the mail today
“Did it give you the closure that you needed?” A friend asked.
“No.” I replied.
I’m not sure why, but receiving the certificate didn’t give me closure. I felt a slight sense of relief that this crazy legal process and expenses had come to an end, but at the same time didn’t know whether to feel happy or cry. I saw nothing but a very expensive piece of paper and a series of life lessons. To me the certificate still represents a failure. I’m not over it, I don’t like talking about it, and I’m not proud of it. My family shamed me over the separation and I haven’t spoken to my mother in over a year because of it. Most importantly, over the last few days, I learned to accept that I’m not over it and don’t have closure. Why do I need to push myself and my feelings? This was key for me.
Why push myself to feel like everything is okay when it’s not? I need to accept that life has been a rollercoaster full of twists and turns. It will take me more time to have closure. The divorce still feels like a weird cloud over my head.
I am proud of the life, friendships, and hobbies that I’ve re-built in the last year of separation leading up to being legally divorce.
Closure will still take more time and that is okay.