Getting Called Out And Looking Inward

written 10/10/17

Reflection of myself and letting go of the fear of being accepted.

How many times has this happened to you?

Someone pays you a compliment and you deflect it by complimenting them back or shrugging it off as no big deal?

How many times have you asked someone how their day was; not really being interested in knowing, but just to make conversation?

How often have you been the person who was asked how their day was and breezed over it by saying “it was good” or “I am good”? Because you don’t want to appear like you’re a whiner or you don’t have your shit together?

I did this today. And thank goodness I have a good friend who questioned me about it and made me stop and think.

I like to appear like I’ve got all my shit together; but honestly I don’t. I still worry if I am saying the right thing to the right person or if what I’ve said will upset someone. That’s the part of me that I need to work on some more. It doesn’t matter if what I say isn’t like by everyone; I have the right to my own thoughts and opinions. Those people who are genuine and true will love me for who I am. The rest can go take a hike.

I need to learn to get comfortable in the silence; the awkwardness of no conversation. (Thanks for the reminder of this too Paul).

I don’t have all the answers and that’s ok. So instead of trying to fill the silence with surface conversation; I will be more aware of what I am saying and who I am saying it to. No more fluff. If I ask you how your day is; it’s because I really want to know. If I compliment you; it’s because I want to, not because I expect one in return.

I will also work on accepting compliments without deflecting them. This is going to be a true challenge for me. And I challenge the rest of you to do the same.

Get comfortable sitting in an awkward silence. Practice saying a simple “Thank You” and nothing more when someone compliments you.

I am here raising my hand, owning my own shit and admitting I am still PERFECTLY IMPERFECT and always a work in progress.

Thank you April for holding up the mirror for me today. You are a true friend and blessing.