Did I fail?

As a parent we want the best for our kids. I know every parent thinks that there kid is the sweetest nicest kid around, so teachers are stuck in a hard spot when they have to tell them that there kid is not behaving well at school.

I’m not that parent, I fully expected there to be some struggles. Shes never been to school before, and really shes never been around other kids.

Yesterday was another bad day. We went to talk to the teacher and find out what we can do to make this better. Last time we went in (last week) she said that we just need to give it more time. This week we meet with the teacher and the principle, it was a short meeting, but still. So this week out little one has been on red 3 days in a row.

This is part of what the teacher sent me yesterday: 
Hello! I just wanted to give you an update on her behavior. She is having a very hard time throughout the school day. She has been on red every day this week. It is almost impossible for me to even get her to follow any directions. Just today she was sprawled out on the carpet most of the time. She consistently bothers the people by her. If she is on the carpet, she is touching them, pushing or hitting them (even though there is a space between her and the next person). When she is at her table, she is consistently kicking the person facing her and is sticking her tongue out at them. She keeps interrupting and will not follow the instructions. She even scribbled all over another student’s picture. You can imagine how upset he was. She doesn’t understand the clip chart right now. I’ve explained it to her several times, but she still doesn’t understand the whole “move your clip up or down” process. She doesn’t get the process of the behavior chart, which is why you never see it colored. I actually will go and help her try to color but she won’t color it or doesn’t understand the instructions. At the end of the day she often will keep taking her things out of her backpack after they’ve been put in. Today we had a fire drill and she cried when it went off. She wouldn’t follow instructions when we were walking out and was playing in the dirt. When our para asked her to stop, she wouldn’t. There have been several times she’s told me “no” today and she even said she “didn’t like this house!” (meaning our classroom).

Anyways, I wanted to give you an update of the things happening in the classroom. It’s a long day for her. I encourage you to talk with her about these things and her feelings toward school. I want her to have a love for learning and school. I want to create a positive learning environment for her, but I also need her to make positive choices.

As a parent its tough to get emails like this from the teacher, however its discouraging to me as im sure it is to my little one that everyday i have to talk about what shes doing wrong at school. There is no room for me to praise her. Shes been at school all day, apparently getting into trouble, so im sure all day the teacher has been on her about her behavior, and then she comes home and mom and dad are on her about ber behavior. No one is looking at the good stuff shes doing.

So yesterday at this meeting, the principle brought up again how maybe shes not ready for kindergarten amd maybe she should wait a year. Again they asked if she went to preschool or daycare.

Is it bad that she didn’t go to these things. Does it mean i have failed as a parent. Everytime we say no she didnt go to these things, they ask why, and I have to tell them its because there is no public preschool in our area and we cant afford the $800 a month they wanted at the private schools.

They wanted to know why we did not have her in daycare, again between money and one of us is always home there was no need for it.

I told them my concern, if we take her out of school what will that accomplish, yes she will be a year older but most of the problems seem to be her interaction with other kids. So by taking her out of school its not like she will be around other kids she will be home with mom or dad.

Again they brought up half days maybe she would be better at that then full days.

And while i can see that, yeah maybe she would be better at half days vs full days, i would rather try to fix what ever it is that’s going on then to hide the problem.

This is the second time the teacher has mentioned how she is acting at the carpet and at her desk. So we suggested maybe moving her away from the other kids so shes not bothering them. Then she wont be getting in trouble for bothering them so maybe she wont be on red. Eventually she will learn by seeing the other kids and how they are doing how she needs to act.

The teacher said well, she is very social and I dont want to take her away from that.

Really….you dont want to take her out of a situation that shes failing at. By taking her out of the situation then she cant get into trouble for kicking the desk, bothering the students, and she wont have access to the other kids papers to scribble on them or cut them.

While i know its not a permanent solution it will at least get to stop getting in trouble so she can stop being on red.

I asked the teacher specific behaviors that she can show to move up or down her chart. But the teacher answered with showing respect, solving problems, and make good choices.

But these to me are up for interpretation. Not so much the respect part, but the other 2 for sure.

I am really hoping today will be better. I am hoping the teacher has moved her to her own desk to help remove some of the issues. I am hoping that she will start getting rewarded for some of her good behaviors and not constantly being brought down.

I guess we will see later today.