Humility vs Humiliation
When your modesty works against you
Have you ever noticed how the joy of belonging to a tribe or a network can sometimes reveal you to yourself?
Recently, I attended an event that delighted me and there were plenty of beautiful branded stickers available at reception. On the first day, I felt so happy to be there, so much so that I taped the organizers’ logo on the back my tablet. I taped it making sure it was well readable, in all situations. It took me a few days to realize with amazement that I was ready to display someone else’s logo on my work tools while I hesitated to stick my own logo!
A simple sticker was enough to show me how much I was ready to promote someone else on my work tools instead of myself.
The electric jolt woke me up with a sharp blow and a big smile, for I became aware of an unconscious mechanism that I had not yet figured out: putting the qualities of others ahead of mine in my own heart.
Does this remind you of something?
How many people promote the success of others but not their own?
How many trivialize their achievements, thinking that it’s normal, that’s what had to be done, it’s natural, it’s their job you know! A mom who puts her child’s happiness before hers. A therapist who keeps recommending his colleagues to his own clients. A trainee who feels lucky that the big boss published his report, while failing to specify the author’s name, just because he thinks it implies that his work has been recognized.
How many will push their humility to hyper-modesty, and finally to transparency?
Sound familiar? Do you also suffer from limiting hyper-humility, intermittently or constantly?
Hyper-humility often flirts with humiliation, not that arising from someone else’s concrete act, but that arising from self-inflicted humiliation. That which emanates from this feeling of not knowing enough, not being sufficiently smart, old, wise, competent. That which we inflict on ourselves everyday by not validating our achievements, our experience, our skills, our creations.
So yes, it can come from a parent who belittled you, a teacher who made a fool of you in front of the class, a general culture whose belief is to be discreet. But rather than going to the source to find a culprit to the origin of this behavior, have you ever wondered what makes you perpetuate this attitude towards yourself, these beliefs that the other knows or is better and has more credit? For how long are you going to uphold ill-treatment on yourself?
By keeping the reflex of diminishing and reducing yourself, you merge this energy, these beliefs into your entire energetic resonance. You then start giving off vibes that the other has the right to treat you with less respect, less recognition or less gratitude. Because if the other sees you reducing yourself, his subconscious understands through micro-signals that he has the right to be above you, that he has the right to look down on you, or even use you. The latter could even lose his respect for you as a result of seeing you constantly diminish yourself, whereas he initially thought highly of you. And you will get engulfed in this vicious circle of feeling shame or embarrassment in your professional or private relationships, of feeling small, insignificant or uninteresting.
People around you will send you back the full image you have of yourself.
They won’t seek to hurt you intentionally, but unconsciously they will poke your wounds, poke your scars until you wake up. That’s the beauty of a community that tends to rise and grow. But on a daily basis, this wears, hurts and torments.
If you fit these patterns, it is time to step up, to be aware of who you are. It’s time to look at yourself for what you already are, not for what you aren’t yet. It’s time to let you see yourself, to shake up your beliefs to offer yourself new perceptions. It’s time to free yourself from your judgments to offer yourself recognition for who you are.
So you may wonder where you’ll start from. With small or large steps, you can contact a coach or NLP master, if you feel the need for assistance. But, you can also start on your own by thanking yourself. Gratitude, which is very trendy today in the world of personal development, has its usefulness. It lets you reprogram your focus on what is good in you. Take your body, for example, you can thank it for knowing how to heal, making you grow up, carrying you around, making you feel. You can do the same with your personality, your intelligence, your family, social or professional life. You can do this in various forms:
– A diary
– Post-its on a wall of cupboard with 3 new thank-yous every day
– An image log on your computer
– A vision board made of images that warms your heart.
Also observe your reactions, as I did with my famous sticker and ask yourself questions for the reason behind your gesture. Perhaps, there is no clear explanation, but just an observation, like the one I had which made me smile and informed me on my pattern at the same time.
Wishing you the best discoveries in your personal exploration.