Are Your Friends Your Real Friends?
“Everyone is a friend, until they prove otherwise.” ~Proverb
The last few years I realised how “untrue” some people can be.
When you are in the pits of hell, they sympathise, are all over you, “support” you. They “feel” for you. They wish you the best. But once the best comes, they don’t like it. More so, it’s as if they hate it.
That’s when you can make the distinction between “real” friends, and “not-so real” friends. I consciously refrain from calling them “fake” friends, but in the end that’s what they are.
Real friends are happy for you when your life is going well. It comes down to that. Sympathy and empathy with “bad” stuff are much easier than with “good” stuff, or so it seems.
“Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend’s success.” ~ Oscar Wilde
I wonder. What is it that makes people not like you for being happy? Is it their own life that sucks, even if they won’t own up to it? Is it envy? What is it?
For one thing, there’s a positive side to them not liking you. At least you can separate your real friends from the fake ones. And in the meanwhile you learn some life lessons.
I also noticed that when you’re happy again, people start judging you. Mostly it’s people that don’t have such a clean “record” themselves. They usually are the harshest judges. To paraphrase the Bible: “Those who are without sin, throw the first stone”. It’s funny how those with a “record” love to throw big stones at you.
Morality crusaders or people who can‘t think outside of the box — whether it does not fit their view, their life, their way of being…ask yourself, do you really want them in your life?
Stepping away from it and observing can be quite interesting. You do loose some people — so-called friends—but then again, is that such a big loss? Would you want that kind of fakeness around?
Well, I don’t. I can do without it. I have lived a “false” life for a long time in the past, and now I’m doing a big cleaning.
I even don’t have to do it myself. The “not-so-real” friends actually do it for me. Sometimes even people you didn’t think were part of the last category suddenly do something which makes you open your eyes. You may even be in shock seeing that they’re not who you thought they were.
Though it hurts, you know you’ll have to make some decisions. Cut through all the BS and realise whether you want them in your life or not. Harsh, but I guess it just comes with the territory of “waking up”, making choices, growing up, of becoming who you are. Processes that will never stop throughout life. Because when you do stop waking up, choosing, growing, well then you’ve probably died.
I guess in the end that’s what life is all about. Every day you learn, and every day you have to be honest with yourself.
What works for me? What doesn’t work for me —anymore?
Those are the main questions, that’s what it boils down to.
I can make excuses. I can feign that my “friends” don’t know what they’re doing, but then again by now I do know better. So I decided I don’t want them around. I don’t want to share the good and the bad with them.
As it seems, growing up and making choices also means cutting out some weeds you don’t need. And even though sometimes I fear making the wrong decisions, by now I know I can trust my instincts, my intuition.
It has helped me before, even though I often resisted following through on my gut feelings. But every time I didn’t, something happened — sooner or later— to get me back on the right track.
” A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”- Arabian Proverb
So now I have a few questions for you.
Feel icky around some people?
Is your life in chaos and does everyone want their say on the matter?
Or is your life going well and do you feel people don’t like it now it has changed for the better?
Perhaps it’s time to see who you really want in your life.
Want to find out how you can choose right for you from wrong for you?
Want to weed out things and people that no longer energise you?
You can go over to my website, sign up and get some free tools that will help you navigate the tricky parts of life.