I personally feel (as you may know from reading my blog) that GMs do have some responsibility to ensure people are having fun; it’s their job to ensure things are fair, to ensure rules are followed, etc. I think a GM can run whatever they want, sure, but if what they run isn’t fun for most people, I think they could do a better job. That being said, I think there is nothing wrong with someone dropping out of a game because they don’t like something in that particular game (I don’t condone the “keep playing it anyway and complain later” though).
I do agree that GMs need to trust their players to know some rules. I can’t be checking on the details of your spell everytime you cast it, so make sure you know it. I also agree that after a reminder that a spell won’t work, future misuse of said spell is played out in game; no takesie backsies.
Overall, I think you and I have only a slightly different view of how to play, and we likely just balance what is responsibility and what isn’t only a little differently. I’d love to play in one of your games. A post like this shows how much thought you put into your role in the game, and I love that.