I readdressed a question a friend posed to me in hospital a while back, about my biggest learning during this experience. I’ve finally settled on the answer as ‘Gratitude’.

Broad, yes, and on the surface quite obvious. But I was quizzed on it the other night and I found myself unable to articulate any deeper as to what I really meant. I know the answer at a deeper, intuitive level, but wasn’t able to verbalise the depth of what I mean, which was frustrating. So much so that it forced me into further examination of what’s really going on with Gratitude, over and above the obvious.

”We must be willing to recognize and acknowledge that we are the recipients of an unearned benefit” Dr. Robert Emmons.

Much is being researched, written and shared on the science and benefits of Gratitude right now. As the world continues it’s current rate of conscious evolution, an attitude of gratitude (unfortunate but widely used label) appears to have become central to the foundations of a life of physical, emotional and spiritual well being. As an Agent of Calm, the same is absolutely true. In fact, it’s the central tenet.

But on closer examination, building an autopilot sense of thankfulness — which is the goal here — is not that easy. Yes, “thank you” is an essential, everyday part of life. So much so that it might be why so many people have dismissed gratitude as simple, obvious, and unworthy of serious attention. You could almost say we’ve been been taking Gratitude for granted.

We’re told the simplest way to cultivate a sense of gratitude is to become much more aware of the positive things we receive in life, acknowledge them, and to keep a tangible note, like a daily gratitude journal. But let’s be honest, pages filled with declarations of things we’re thankful for isn’t the goal either. And let’s be realistic, in this omni-connected-always-on world of social-apple-instshare-mania, how much time do most people have for daily journalling anyhow?

So, how do we make Gratitude a default feeling? A sub-concsious programming that will see all those promised benefits begin to automatically flourish in our visible, conscious lives? Benefits (widely agreed upon, researched and scientifically proven) such as:

Stronger immune systems;
Lower blood pressure;
Higher levels of positive emotions;
More joy, optimism, and happiness;
Acting with more generosity and compassion;
Feeling less lonely and isolated;
Sensing greater abundance in life;
Appreciate the contributions of others to your well-being;
Recognise and enjoy life’s small pleasures;

From everything I’ve read, and taking a few notes from my own personal strategy, that is helping me navigate through my skirmish with Myeloma, the following is a 6 step process to developing a Gratitude Programming, that you might want to consider for yourself:

1. Commitment: Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is tough. It’s neither a chosen attitude nor merely a positive emotion. It’s a focussed commitment to consciously develop a (very) powerful, subconscious habit. Conventional wisdom suggests that 21 days of concentrated commitment is how long it takes to form a new, or indeed get rid of an old habit.

2. Let go and detox: Whatever’s happened in the past or may be happening in your life right now, it’s crucial to get ‘clean’ with some inner work of letting go, forgiveness and abandoning any victim mentality you might be holding to. Simultaneously overcoming any sense of entitlement and deservedness you feel from the world.

3. Write a Gratitude prayer/statement: Especially in the early stages, this is a very helpful tool to keep you focussed and centred daily on your Gratitude work. And don’t let the word Prayer scare you. Just let this be a short, personal statement of intent directed at your sub-conscious mind, that you are devoted and committed to cultivating a default sense of Gratitude in your life. You may also want to include 4 or 5 of things that represent your most cherished sources of Gratitude: life, your children, your good health etc…After reading it twice a day for a few days, it becomes easily memorised and internalised, and you’ll be surprised how often it rises up on its own accord when you need it!

4. Use technology to keep you focussed: Turn your biggest source of disruption into a useful tool for keeping you on top of your Gratitude work. By setting daily reminders or alarm prompts on your smartphone, you’re giving yourself a good chance of sticking to your daily commitment. Eventually you won’t need them, but they’re very useful for the first few weeks. And getting repeatedly prompted at the same time each day is an excellent way of helping program the sub-concious.

One of the first rules you’ll learn in developing a Meditation practice, is to try and meditate at the same time and in the same place each and every day. In doing so, the subconscious will eventually get the message and you’ll find you start relaxing before you’ve even started. The same applies here. Personally, I use one alarm a day at 11 am, that simply says ‘5 things’. Even if I don’t write them down there and then, I’ve automatically shifted my awareness and stimulated the Gratitude programming.

5. Write it down: I appreciate this is very hard for most people in today’s hectic world. But if you can find the discipline and the time — ideally every day, but if not a few times a week — making a visible note/lost of the things, people, moments etc…for which you’ve consciously felt a sense of gratitude for, is extremely powerful. Not only does it provide additional support to the goal of programming the subconscious to make Gratitude a default feeling, over time it also serves as a useful way to measure how your perspective and flagging of Gratitude has evolved.

The usual pattern is for people to start with the obvious (but no less important) things such as their health, their family, their friends etc…, but over time the list becomes invariably more personal and subtle; naturally aligning itself with your values and who you are as a person. It learns, predicts and becomes intuitive, and many things you once took for granted, or perhaps didn’t even notice, become a daily source of inspiration and reason for being thankful. Often without you even knowing you’re doing it.

6. Notice, give thanks and high five the benefits: Remember, this is about a few weeks of conscious effort to develop an incredibly powerful subconscious programming. That will create in you an autopilot sense of thankfulness reflecting your unique set of values, and the things that you as an individual appreciate, respect and cherish in life.

Once this is set in motion, it’s unstoppable, and you’ll begin to see and feel some wonderful changes start to take place within and around you. Notice these changes. Appreciate and embrace them. It’s a sure fire way of making the whole process and programming work even better for you.

Before signing off, allow me to just affirm here and now, that this process isn’t about transforming people into overly enthusiastic Gratitude hunters, whose sole aim is to wander about racking up as many Grateful points as they can. Anyone can point at anything and claim they’re grateful for everything. That’s not the point. And it’s not real.

The concept and power of Gratitude has to some extent been watered down slightly over the past few years by over-simplification and misrepresentation. The fact is, it’s one of the most important and powerful programs we can gift ourselves, and the ‘real’ benefits of a Gratitude programming are truly wonderful; highly contagious and quite literally change your life.

Be well.