Workin fo’ yoself

There’s a divine feeling being able to control the work that you do. Having the responsibilities and the burdens fall solely on you is a terrifying yet thrilling experience.
I’ve decided to shoot a music video completely on my own. What started as an idea written on a white board turned into a much larger task. The idea stemmed from listening to a song while in high school. You know when you get an idea for something and it just sits there and sits there and suddenly it forms into something great? Well that’s exactly what has happened.
This idea started with a single, handheld camera following a beautiful woman in a white dress with wavy blonde hair through the forest. We would watch as she played with her surrounding. Running in and out and behind these huge trees. Running her hands through the tall grasses that stood next to her. Gazing into the camera lens. Who is this girl? The audience would ask. This was an ideal situation in a young man’s mind. But that’s all it was — an idea.
Fast forward 6 or 7 years and it is becoming a reality. What is now a much different scenario, the idea is still the same. Let’s watch 4–5 beautiful women frolic through woods, immersing themselves in the nature that surrounds them. The underlying song, a slower edm/trap remix of a popular song.
You’re probably asking — what is the point of this?
The point is as follows — Due to legal/copyright issues I’m obviously not allowed to use the real song without paying royalties, which, for a small production is an unneeded cost. So what do I do? I have the song remixed. Yes, there are still copyright issues you can face with a remixed song, but I like to live dangerously so this is a risk I’m willing to take.
Next up was finding the proper crew, negotiating payment, renting proper equipment, finding locations, discussing transportation, etc. etc. etc. Anybody who has dealt with a similar project, or logistics in general, knows what i’m talking about. There’s a million and one things to get done and when you work full time, there’s not enough time to get it all done.
This project relies solely on me — in the sense that If I don’t continue to make progress and make sure everything is accounted for, it won’t get done and this will not be made. That’s an incredible feeling to have on your shoulders. It’s also extremely overwhelming at times. There are so many moving parts both logistically and creatively, and the logistics have definitely taken over at this point in time. How do you devote enough time to both logistics and creative? I don’t know but if I figure it out i’ll let you all know.
Some days are worse than others when there’s just not enough time to get it all done. When you have multiple people asking you questions, each requiring a different answer it makes you want to curl up in a ball and lay on the floor just to avoid it all. Even though all of the questions are warranted, and those asking the questions are simply trying to fill in the necessary information.
At what point do you give up? At what point do you say fuck it, this is not worth the trouble?
Too many times have I asked myself this question. Too many times have I thought about cancelling the whole shoot, saving the money I would be spending because that is the “responsible” thing to do. Giving up because each day there is a new hurdle to get over. Worrying that even though I put in all of this effort, and all of this time, that the video will still turn out like shit.
The truth is that I can’t give up. Because what’s the point of being a creator is you don’t create? Why put all of this effort in for the past few months just to give up in the end because a problem such as “what will the crew eat” is rattling around in my head? If that is the case they I don’t deserve to call myself a creator. I don’t deserve to have a spot at the table. I don’t deserve to achieve greatness down the road when I am deserving of it.
The truth is that now is the time to take a risk like this. Now is the time to take the risk of spending the money because I will never be younger than I am today. I will never be at a point in my life again where it is okay for me to take a risk and be able to bounce back if all else fails. And I can always make more money down the road. But when will I have an opportunity like this again?
The answer is it won’t. I won’t have an opportunity like this again.
Unless I make it happen for myself.
This is something that I need to do for myself.
Because no one can write my story except me.
