I can’t believe the person I turned out to be.

I remember watching my mother while growing up. A warrior in her own right. Never defeated, never broken. I watched as a young boy growing up the troubles she went through, but she always held true to herself. Loyalty was the trait I looked up to the most. She never turned her back to anything, or anyone. Never made a promise she couldn’t keep. I told myself I too would be like this. I guess I didn’t see that I was the complete opposite until I realized it was to late. I met a very vibrant young lady by the name of Kelsie. I was young, still am with that being said, but when I met her I feel like my life changed. I couldn’t take my gaze off of her. She has the longest hair I’ve even seen on a woman. The way it moved up and down when she walked, or the way her bun would slowly slump from the top of her head to the back side, made me realize that without even knowing her, I fell in love. We were sitting in my Writing class, when she passed me a folded sticky note that had the patterns of a zebra. This was the girl I’ve been thinking about the very second I laid eyes on her, so I was feeling like a dream come true. She’s actually talking to me. The paper didn’t say much but it was enough to spark up my mood for weeks. It read “Hey” with a little red heart she had drawn out with a pink pen. So naturally I responded but I couldn’t put to much. I had to be smooth if I wanted it to work. I turned to my side after writing my half and winked to her as I gave her back the note. After she had finished reading what I had put down, she looked at me and blushed. She gave me a smile. Not just any ordinary smile, it had meaning to it. In that moment I felt like my chest was going to explode. Time seemed to slow down 3 times the normal speed and the only thing I could think about was how I wanted to stay in this moment for the rest of my life. She was stunning from head to two, and god that smile, I didn’t know what to do with myself I was so happy. We continued to pass notes for weeks when it became more than just notes. I would eat lunch with her, walk her to every single class she had, I’d defend her in her absence, no one would dare say anything bad about Kelsie while I was around. She was my best friend, whom I was secretly in love with. I had a funny feeling she felt the same way. After months of us continuing on this same routine day after day, she asked me out. I felt offended because I was planning on asking her but, either way I wouldn’t turn down that offer if my life depended on it. She was mine, finally. I remember going home and telling my mother, about how happy she makes me. We slowly went from being just Kelsie, and just Christian, into becoming a team. We were inseparable. Goose and maverick, Jack and Jill. She was the peanut to my jelly. I didn’t want to be a single second without her by my side. Two years went by. We had a past now, but no matter what we always had each other. We hurt each other, but forgave and came out stronger. An even stronger love, an even stronger connection. She’s the girl I was to marry, have a family with and to become successful with. She is the absolute light in total darkness.

My mother, after having a huge financial downfall, found a job about two hours away from where we lived. She didn’t have a vehicle so I offered to take her. It it is a two week trip, nothing to major. I felt lonely, I missed her so much. I couldn’t wait to come home to her and to hold her like I used to. To kiss her and to know that everything is okay. I lost her on this trip. I couldn’t over come the feeling of this loneliness. I didn’t have sex with anyone else, nor did I see anyone else. What I did do is start talking to someone else, for two day. I realized what I was doing went against everything I fought for. I started ignoring the other female, in hope that’s it would not be reviled so I could focus my attention On Kelsie, my one true love. She found out, and my worst fears came to life. I can’t believe I let myself stoop down to such a low level. My bestfriend, isn’t my best friend anymore. Every single moment we ever shared good and bad, flashed through my eyes in what seemed like years. I, Christian Satterfield, wasn’t loyal. I didn’t hold the same stand up traits my mother does. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I’ll never be able to hold her again.. I’ll never be the same.