This is why you hate Taylor Swift - thoughts on women who have an ego.
It’s weird right? How much people love to hate Taylor Swift. Especially men. I am not talking about men who don’t like her music but men who don’t like her existence. On paper she should be the poster in every teen boys bedroom. She’s incredibly feminine. Her ‘look’ is straight out of the mind of a man… long hair, thin but curvy, natural makeup and good girl energy for days. From her songs anyway, she also seems to bring that boy obsessed energy men will ruin their lives for. I have never read any reliable bad press about her treating her staff like crap. She loves her mama. The Eras Tour will generate close to $5 billion dollars in consumer spending just in the United States. In a complicated American economy, isn’t that a really good thing? Also her main charity — it isn’t politically charged. She feeds American’s who are out of food. Oh yeah and she is increasing the popularity of American football by dating a player. She’s helping football! However, according to TikTok she’s been deeply hated since high school, so I am sure she is over it — but maybe I’m not.
I have heard some people say that men especially hate her song lyrics because they are about her exes. First of all I don’t know very many men who analyze T. Swift song lyrics. Plus, some of the most beloved female artists of all time wrote primarily about complicated love affairs, hello Stevie Nicks. I don’t believe it is because she is a woman either. Rhianna, Lady Gaga, Adele and Katy Perry do not make people the special kind of angry that Taylor Swift does.
I was reading article comments about Taylor Swift this week as her new billionaire status was just announced. Most of the negative comments were from men. They were awful. Mainly, trashing her music and her ‘dumb’ fans. Some were darker. She’s a whore who can’t keep a man. She’s a stuck up bitch. You know the normal slams used for women when you don’t like them but you aren’t sure why. The one that really stood out to me though was a man who said, “she’s a 4 and her music appeals to mid-women anyway”. Fascinating. I clicked his profile, he had photos with Trump and of high end vacations. A man that supports traditional capitalism but isn’t excited that a person from a middle class family can become a billionaire by the age of 33 from her original music. What is that about? Why do men even in ‘bro culture’ who follow Elon Musk like he is a god, love to hate Taylor Swift? Also, objectively, if Taylor Swift is a ‘4’ then what is a ‘5’? Tale as old as time, call a woman you don’t like ugly. I know. Still I don’t think that people hate her because she is rich, hot and single either. Before the Eras tour Beyonce and Taylor Swift had a somewhat comparable net worth. Rhianna has been a Billionaire for a minute and no one is especially mad about it.
Still … what is it about Taylor Swift that makes people so uncomfortable?
If you are a woman you know that your business success if often complicated for the people in your life to acknowledge well. You update your friends on a big work win only to have it followed up with “That’s cool. How is your boyfriend?” I have dated men for months that rarely asked how my company was doing while we talked in depth about their work role. When I offered an update it didn’t extend into an invested conversation. A woman’s late marriage due to work is almost always seen as a complete failure, even to herself. I had to do a lot of personal development to create female friendships that weren’t largely based on talking about men. Most people ask me about men and kids. When I coach female executives and founders this frustration with doing things that are so incredible yet no one in your life seems truly interested creates a palpable frustration.
Taylor Swift is hated so much simply because she is proud of herself. She embodies her outrageous success in a way that just isn’t culturally acceptable for a woman to do. She knows she’s ‘the man’ and she absolutely delights in it. She has a ‘fuck you haters’ energy that she carries like a big flag behind her. We love that quality in men but HATE it in a woman. Taylor is hated not for her looks, her money, her gender or her lyrics — but for her rich dude sized ego.
The things I have seen men brag about are astonishing. They fill their dating profiles with the fish they’ve caught, even when the entire internet tells them not to do it. They take over entire dinners with stories from their college sports days. I have watched a man glow and taunt people all night after winning a round of cornhole. Men love to brag. Women love men who brag. We just don’t like it when women do it. Women who push their business success up to the top of the holiday party chit chat just rub everyone the wrong way.
I realized as soon as I opened my first business that there was the subtle expectation that I apologize a little bit for it when we did well. I was not supposed to say we were ‘sold out’. I was supposed to say, “things are hard but we are making it”. I was definitely not supposed to look good while doing my work. Successful women, especially mothers, need to be tired and burnt out. The only thing I have ever done that I have been encouraged to brag about is motherhood. It is expected that you post photos of your beautiful, curated family life. It is not ok to post a link to a Wall Street Journal article about yourself. Maybe it would be ok if Taylor Swift bragged about herself but had more problems. Because I think you can socially brag a bit if your husband publicly cheats on you or if you hold interviews detailing had a chaotic drug filled childhood. I sometimes wonder if Travis and Taylor have a horrible celebrity split in ten years and a public fight over child support while he dates models that are 20 years younger if people will suddenly hate her less? Maybe if she gets old that will help. Women who age, especially “naturally” are allowed to brag I think.
As a parent I have tried to become more aware of what I praise my daughter’s for. It seems to be ok for girls to be good at sports now but can a girl also be good with money? What if we helped our daughter’s 10x their lemonade stands and took over Thanksgiving dinner detailing how she did it? What if little girls didn’t have to do jobs that helped people in order to hold success that they will not be hated for? Maybe the new sweet 16 party is cash in your first investment account and a class on how manage it. What if you could choose between sorority life at college and an investment in your first entrepreneur idea when you turned 18 in a wealthy family?
You can hate her all day but Taylor Swift is good for America. Her unapologetic attitude about success is good for women. When a woman does well it shouldn’t diminish her femineity or her value to want to be acknowledged for it. One of my best business friends and I were joking about what qualities we would look for if we swapped to dating women. My friend’s first answer, “seven figure earner”. We laughed but imagine if men started filtering for women that bring a bit of the ‘Taylor Swift’ effect into their life? Just be forewarned buddy, she’s going to want to brag about it.
Do you have a woman problem? Need help?
I coach and sell somatic curriculum for men and women who want to create rare and original relationships at www.christinalanecoaching.com. I create content for women who want to do better with men on Instagram and I offer free mini coaching calls on my website.
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