The New Normal

No one wants to admit they use dating sites. More importantly, no one wants to admit that they met the person they are dating on a dating site. As new apps emerge daily, online dating is becoming more acceptable in today’s culture. However, there is still an unspoken social stigma against it.

In an ideal world, you meet someone in real-life — through friends, college, work, at the gym, etc. We don’t live in an ideal world — we live in the real world, where swiping right or left from your couch is the new “Can I buy you a drink?”

I’m 29 and haven’t gone a date with someone I met “in real life” since before Tinder existed. Do I rely on it as a crutch or do guys not approach women in person otherwise? I haven’t quite figured this out. I do know it is increasingly difficult to have a “meet cute” encounter. I’ve really only had this organically happen once in my life. A guy noticed me on an escalator in a mall racing to meet some friends for a show. Turns out, we were meeting the same mutual friends. He admitted he noticed me earlier. We exchanged a few flirty emails back and forth before our first date. He called me to ask me out — not text. The relationship didn’t last very long, but by golly it would have been a good story had we ended up together. A much better story than, “we met on Tinder.”

….But why is it better?

There is an existing social ranking for how one meets a potential partner or significant other. It’s been ingrained in us through movies, songs, shows and “real-life.” Often, we impose this stigma on ourselves, dreaming up “if only” scenarios in our minds. Below is my attempted diagnosis:

The Best Friend: You know this person for a while. A few too many late night chats and lingering hugs suggest there could be something more if you both give it a chance. While each of your stumble on your first date, you quickly ease into the familiarity. You have an advantage since your romantic relationship begins with a solid foundation of inside jokes, no makeup and countless banter over drinks. When you announce you are dating to your mutual friends, everyone welcomes the news with open arms and reactions like, “Well, it’s about time,” or “I saw it coming!” You smile knowingly at each other and walk off into the sunset, blissfully happy you’ve fallen in love with your best friend.

The Friend of a Friend: A friend sets you up with a great guy or gal that they know, but for some reason, you haven’t met yet. Your friend inevitably shares their Facebook profile with you to assess compatibility. Luckily, their pictures are public so you could study the evolution of their hair from college. You make a mental note to mention how much you dislike soul patches and duck faces at dinner to ensure they never, ever reenter that phase again.

The Romantic Comedy: You have a chance encounter with someone and sparks fly — maybe you both order the last scone at Starbucks and decide to split it over a latte together. Or you share a cab from the airport, after discovering you both are headed in the same direction. The chance encounter story, although rare, gives hope to all the singles out there that they too can find their next great love ordering a Frappuccino or on their way back from a business trip. It’s the unicorn of dating.