The Deadly Divorce of Silence
People can be silent. People can be silent in action and people can be silent in word. There is a certain level of humility that comes with people needing nothing from others. It shows integrity, it shows balance. The silence I speak of is neither of those things. The silence I speak of is quite the opposite. It’s the silence in relationships. The silence in wondering. The silence that comes from being alone whether you have someone or not.
Silence speaks. It more than speaks, it wounds. On the spectrum you have people who are naturally aggressive, people who will tell you just how they feel. These are the people that get it out. A certain passion and abrasiveness consumes them and they won’t let you leave until they’ve been heard. Not everyone can handle that. Then you have the opposite, the passive aggressive people. People who fall in this camp are nothing short of immature. In my book, they would rather be silent than think about something constructive to say. These people don’t really know themselves and honestly don’t care. For them, it’s a win, an out. In their private victory, they slither away looking nothing short of weak.
In relationships, not everything warrants a conversation. I’m learning this. It’s a balance of initiating, listening, responding, and waiting. Regardless of your personal temperament, everything you do should say something. It should speak. The most disastrous messages come from when what you’re doing sends the wrong message. I have found a proverb of understanding it’s usually not the action that upsets me, but rather, the message that action sends. It’s the months that pass without with an intimate touch that tells me I must have lost my beauty, or they’re doing it with someone else. As time passes, the silence of unspoken touch seeps deeper and deeper into my subconscious. Silence reaps nothing short of distrust on all fronts.
Communication builds trust. It’s the act of sharing in all forms what’s going on. It requires minimal effort, it refreshes the soul. Communication affirms intention, strengthens a person’s view of you. We have all had one’s we love see us at our worst. But yet still, we want to work hard for them to see us doing our best. This doesn’t require posters and paragraph text messages sharing every thought. It requires effort. Nothing can make a person feel more alone then when communication is non-existent. And as the silence sets in, the divide only grows. It’s the tale sign that things aren’t right. The changes things in a scary way.
If what you’re doing speaks nothing, be prepared. If you honestly don’t care, let them go. Your choices become the speaking point for what you value most. They show just where your priorities lie. People aren’t stupid. They won’t fight for a place in your game book. They will simply learn to walk away.