How to Get Meetings with People, Without Being Annoying

So you want to get in front of somebody. Maybe you’re looking for funding, a strategic partnership, an advisor or board member, or a big sales lead. Here’s how to actually get people to say yes.

If you do this, you’ll be in the top 5% of people requesting introductions. And you’ll build a reputation that makes people want to talk to you.

TLDR: Do two-way opt in intros. Assume no one has time. Offer value with every interaction. Add social capital.

In the startup ecosystem and in the social impact world, there is a culture of paying it forward and helping each other. But it helps to cultivate a reputation for being a considerate and high-value connector.

Why Single Opt-In Intros Are Terrible

Always do a two-way opt in introduction! If there is one thing you take away from this article, this is it. A single opt-in intro is where someone introduces two people without getting consent from both people separately, and privately.

As some say, “single opt-in intros are lazy and disrespectful and make you a terrible person.” Here’s why. Hey, I don’t actually think you’re a terrible person. But it is disrespectful of someone’s time, which makes them annoyed at both the introducer and the new person — before you even get the meeting!

As people move upwards in their careers, the number of inbound requests increases exponentially. It’s awkward to say “I’m sorry, I don’t want to talk to you.” Even worse, one can’t awkwardly refuse an intro after the person is connected to them on the email thread. The only options are to respond or to ghost the thread, which makes them look inconsiderate.

How to write a quality intro request that will actually get results

Guiding Principle: Assume no one has time. You come off as very considerate of their time, if you do these following things that reduce the work of the person doing you the favor of the intro.

Have a specific ask. Do your research. Find out who you want to talk to, and why. Asking someone for an intro “to someone at Google” takes 5 seconds from you, and puts the burden on them to come up with some reason why you two should talk, and to draft an email. Your job is to make it 5 seconds for them to help you.

Be aware of social capital and power dynamics. The person doing the intro is spending social capital. Be aware of status and power dynamics between the introducer and the person you want to be introducing to.

Always give them an out. “If this isn’t a relevant intro, no worries” / “I understand you’re very busy, if not no worries”

If they’ve agreed to make the intro…

Make the introducer look good with a separate, well-written, spellchecked, personalized email that shows you’ve done your research.

Make it as easy and frictionless as possible for them. Make it easy to forward in 5 seconds.

Keep the ask small. Respect the time of the person you’re asking to meet. Write a concise email that can be scanned in 10 seconds. Ask for 15–20 minutes by phone, instead of a 1 hour coffee meeting.

Spellcheck. Have good formatting. Don’t embarrass the person making the intro.

Make it personalized. People love to share advice on their expertise. If you have a question that it feels like they are uniquely qualified to answer, you’re more likely to get a reply.

Offer value. I schedule “giving back” advice calls for afternoons or Fridays. But if you can introduce me to a large regenerative ranch, you get on my morning call agenda (yup, contact me below). If you have value to add, mention it!

Assume they forgot you. Include a quick blurb about your company in the email. I put this below my signature “Here’s some context about our company.” That way you don’t have to spend 10 minutes in the call explaining what you do. And they can look it up at the beginning of the call without admitting that they don’t remember who you are.

Example email

Hey Byron, it’s been a while! How’s your family? Emma must be 2 by now.

Would you be willing to intro me to Angelina Jolie at Tomb Raider Experts? I read about their wildlife protection work in South Africa. I’m wondering if she might spare 20–30 minutes to give us advice on: Government programs funding wildlife-friendly ranching efforts in the region, and how to sell software into grazing communities.

Angelina may be interested to know that we’re working with Conservation International in S Africa, which is raising $6mm to raise wildlife friendly beef. Curious about whether that might be a useful partnership for her.

Please feel free to forward this email. I’ve included context about our company below. If not a relevant intro, no worries.

Warmly, Christine

PastureMap is building the information backbone of a smarter beef supply chain. Our ranch management software platform helps ranchers adopt better grazing practices, making them more profitable while building healthy grasslands. Ranchers can share their data through the supply chain, building transparent, climate friendly beef that is better for people and the planet. Grasslands are 1/3 of the world’s landmass and represent a tremendous opportunity to store carbon in the soil as a climate solution.

How to do two-way opt-in when you are the introducer

Use your social capital wisely. Be a good gatekeeper. Be comfortable saying “I don’t think this is a good fit.” You’re building your reputation as a high value connector.

Coordinate with both in private, one-way email threads until you have two-way opt-in. “X and Y, meet each other. I’ve given you both context. Please connect!”

Once you get the intro

Respond quickly. Respond within 24 hours of the intro made, to make your introducer look good. Thank the introducer and bcc them to spare their inbox.

Make it easy to meet. “Here’s my calendar for ease of scheduling.” Calendly is good for this. If you’re the one asking, you should offer to travel. Give them the option of a phone call.

In the Meeting / In the Call

Re-confirm one day ahead. The executive is really busy and has most likely forgotten what the call on their calendar is about. Pro tip for fundraising: send your deck through again on DocSend the morning of the call. This increases the chance of them actually reading it before your call.

Be on time. You call them. “Is this still a good time for you?” wait for them to say yes. “Thanks so much for making the time to chat.”

Qualify the conversation. Do not launch into a 10 minute pitch before checking that this is the right conversation and the right person. If they’re an investor, ask if they focus in your area and your stage. If not, don’t waste their time! “If you’re not the right person, who should I be talking to?” Ending a dead conversation early gives the valuable gift of time back to both people.

Give them a refresher. “As you know, PastureMap is a company that makes software for cattle ranchers. Our mission is to help ranchers make profits building healthy grasslands.”

Find the treasure. Don’t brute force. Think of networking as a mutual treasure hunt. You are inviting others to join you in locating pockets of shared treasure — something really valuable for both of you! Networking is not a brute force exercise to convince people they should give you what you want.

Be specific with your asks. “Who else should I talk to?” is okay. Better: “Do you know any executives at agriculture SaaS companies selling to farming communities? Would love to hear how they think about customer segmentation.”

In every conversation, add value. A great way to close a dead conversation: “who might be helpful in my network for your work?” You can send investors deal pipeline from other founders who fit their target areas. Offer to keep an eye out from your network for hiring.

Follow up. If they offer to make an intro, say “thanks, let me do some research and I’ll send you a personalized intro request to forward to save you time.” Then do the follow up within a few days. Every interaction is a data point in building your reputation.

Phew! If this sounds like a lot of hard work, it is. Your network is a passive asset, but your network reputation as a connector of quality people is even more important. Most people maintain a passive network, and spend very little time investing in their network reputation. And as you get more senior as a manager, executive, investor, or board member, it becomes much more important who you know and can bring to the table.

If you are a good gatekeeper, and connect people with quality intros, you will build a reputation as someone who has a great network and is worth talking to. Then you become the person who is top-of-mind for others. This is a good position to be in.