My inner old lady believes one day you’ll look back at this article with your response and see it for the first time as if a stranger typed it. I actually hope that for you.
To end on a positive note, I love what you said about self-publishing. It is this writer’s dream come true for all the reasons you state and more. Ten years ago it was a different game out there. We are very fortunate to be born in an age when this method of publishing is possible and lucky to have the hustle to take advantage of it.