The brutal truth about living abroad

There are a lot of articles out there that make it seem like moving abroad is a grand sparkling adventure. You know the type, right? They seem all free spirited and romantic, with advice like “Leave all your contrived routines and superficial possessions behind and go discover yourself in a new country.” Or all parental, “You’ll be a more well-rounded, grounded adult after you’ve lived abroad.” I call bullshit. I don’t think it’s for everyone, and it sure isn’t easy, so I’m here to provide some brutal honesty about the realities of moving abroad.

In my early 20’s I moved from Kelowna, BC, Canada, to London, UK, where one year turned into six. I’ve now been living in Beijing, China for five months. I left my cosy hometown, which sits by a gorgeous lake nestled amongst mountains, then migrated to a vast multicultural city littered with pubs, and have recently made a drastic shift to an overpopulated and polluted megacity where everyone speaks Chinese (surprise, surprise).

If you’re considering moving abroad, or feeling envious of your Facebook friends and their grand adventures, please be reminded of the fragmented view that social media portrays. There’s a lot of stuff you don’t see on the highlights reel.

If you’re thinking of making the move, be warned:

• You will never be 100% happy living in one country ever again.
• You will feel uncomfortable.
• You will feel out of place and stupid for not knowing how to do simple things.
• You will feel unsettled.
• You will feel lonely.
• You will change.
• You will miss birthdays, Christmases, baby showers, bridal showers, (you might even miss hot showers depending where you move).

That last one is hard. The people you love the most have lives that carry on without you.

If you’ve dipped your toes in this far and you’re like whatever, I can handle it. Then awesome, hop on Skyscanner and filter by a one-way flight to “everywhere.” But seriously, who can honestly read that and say “sign me up!” Sometimes, like right now for instance, I look back at the decisions I’ve made and things I’ve done, and it really hits me: WTF was I thinking.

I’ve missed out on a lot, like day-to-day closeness with friends and family and events like my high school reunion (did I miss out or luck out..). I’ve lived my 20s split between several homes. I have been very lucky in my life abroad though, I don’t have any horror stories or crazy scandals, just a few bumps and bruises. Here’s a few that haven’t made the Facebook highlights reel:

• Waitressing in London is hard. I wouldn’t recommend it.
• Living without a washing machine is a pain. Two years of trekking to a laundromat is my limit
• I get sick a lot. Beijing Belly is a thing. Chinese food can unleash a wrath on your body like no other.
• I lost a lot of money because I screwed up my taxes. Living and working in multiple countries is complicated.
• Being unemployed is not character building, it melts away confidence, pride, and any feelings of self-worth like no other.

But hey, I wouldn’t change any of it.

I am so in love with the experiences I’ve had and the life I’ve lived. I’m proud that I’ve made it through some shitty experiences and made it through to the other side. The sense of achievement for the smallest things, like finding a grocery store that has familiar food, setting up a bank account, or riding a bike for the first time in chaotic streets, is such a high.

In the beginning, small wins are frequent and exciting. They start to pile up against the setbacks and struggles. Then some more great things then start to happen as you settle in to your new home.

• New friends — You meet people you never would have encountered back home. Fellow expats are going through similar experiences, are constantly going away on weekends, planning events and making the most out of life abroad. Don’t overlook new friends, they may turn out to be true friends. New doesn’t need to replace old.
• Living on less — You accidentally become more minimalist when you realise you don’t need as much stuff as you thought. When you’re living off a suitcase or two, you forget about all the things you left behind
• New experiences — Some are nice, some not so nice. But your world gets bigger when you put yourself in new places and try things you’re uncomfortable with. You’ll try amazing (and sometimes horrendous) new foods you’ve never heard of before, and you’ll regain a fascination for your old history lessons as you walk on the ground where it all happened.

As time goes on, a slow shift will happen. Truly living and experiencing a new culture will deeply affect you and change you. You might not notice as it’s not a sparkling, dramatic change. Travelling is sparkling. A new fling is sparkling. Living and working abroad can follow a very dull routine like your life in your home country. But living long enough in a new country will bring that slow burn, everlasting sort of change like that forever type of love. Change like:

• You see a new way of doing things. A new culture and a new way of looking at things. Sometimes it’ll grate you the wrong way and make you miss the ‘normal’ way, but other times it’s refreshing and makes you question the way you’ve always done things. Normal is just a perspective.
• You might not become worldly and wise but you’ll witness other cultures for yourself so you can make your own conclusions. You may also see why some stereotypes sometimes ring true.Our environment shapes us.
• You realise how special your home is.
• You realise how important moments with the people you love are.
• You become more present as you simply cannot foresee the future or a future ‘permanent’ home.

Before I finish off and leave you to go either book or cancel your flights, I’d like to give you one final word of warning.

If you move abroad, you might not come back.

There’s often an inner desire to put down roots in your home country, but life tends to get in the way. Then again, maybe roots are overrated. People who have lived abroad are firmly rooted and connected to this planet. Our roots are spread far and wide.

There is no one right way to live your life. Living abroad isn’t for everyone, and it doesn’t make us better people than those who choose to stay wonderfully close to their original homes, friends and families. I don’t for one minute believe that people who haven’t lived abroad don’t face challenges. Everyone is living their own story.

Challenge yourself and do things you’re scared of. Live somewhere new or put yourself in new situations. Live abroad or truly live in one place. Just be aware that that grand sparkling adventure might not be quite as you expected, and yet, your life will never be the same.

Photo by Jake Melara on Unsplash